A Very Lucky Girl

Hello blogger, my old friend. If Arie can return to ABC after 5 years in Bachelor retirement then I decided I could return to the recap world after a year hiatus. Turns out you can teach old dogs the same tricks!  For those of you that don't know Arie from Emily Maynard's season...you can catch up on my Bachelorette recaps from 2012 when I first started recapping. On the right side of my profile select the 2012 drop down and the month of May. The season continued throughout the summer of 2012 and ultimately Arie lost to one f Jef. Which also didn't work out for Ms. Maynard but that's another story. According to Instagram she is now happily married with 87 kids and probably another one on the way.  ABC thoughtfully gives us a CliffsNotes version of Arie and Emily's romance which consists almost entirely of lip locks in European allies and a close up of Arie getting into the SUV of sorrow at the end.  In the 5 years since his season aired, Arie continues to be a ...

On January 5, Juan Pablo will return to screens across America with six pack abs and an accent. I feel bad for all other ladies who have been on the Bachelor in previous seasons. They got the short end of the stick.  Also, on January 26, my close personal friends, Sean and Catherine will wed on live television. I guess my invitation was lost in the mail or I didn't make enough of an impression when we mingled in Las Vegas.  Sadly, but really not that sadly, I will be studying in Scotland during these monumentous occasions, so I am allowing you all adequate time to mourn the loss of the weekly recap. Who has time to watch Hulu when there's an unfamiliar country to explore? Not A Very Lucky Girl. I read Reality Steve's take on the season last week and have some idea of what you all should expect. I'll miss the snarky journey (just think, you'll hear that word seven billion more times from Juan Pab and his ladies. Get your shotglasses ready)!

"Can y'all stop making all this noise? I think I'm hungover. I want y'all to be happy, but..."   I spent 4 days in Vegas in the beginning of August. They were INCREDIBLE. Megan turned 25 on August 4th and invited Tracy, Hannah, and I to Sin City to celebrate. Hannah was the only one of us who had been before so the entire trip was an adventure! We stayed in a skysuite at the Aria hotel, one of the biggest buildings I've ever seen, just completed three years ago. The highlights of our room included electric curtains, opening and closing at the push of a button, and a giant tub, perfect for soaking our tired feet in after a long day of walking the strip and dancing our dressed-up behinds off.  Vegas is not for the faint of heart, nor is it a relaxing getaway, especially not for four high-energy girls in their twenties. The film The Hangover  was all Megan, Tracy, and I knew of Vegas and so we named each member of our party after a character. Megan was Alan, ...

Now that I've started working this summer, I look forward to Monday Bachelorette nights even more. This one did not disappoint. Date Card One: "Chris, Ryan, Drew, Michael, Brooks, Brad, Mikey, Brandon, Zak, Ben...love is a battlefield." Des met her men in a clashing neon outfit of orange tank top and hot pink sweatshirt and invited them into a garage. A team of professional dodgeball players greeted them and taught them the tricks of the trade. I played dodgeball in P.E. in sixth grade. I could probably teach them a few things. But these pros were intense and were here for the right reasons. One of Des' men monologued, "it's all fun and games until the ambulance arrives and someone has a broken face." And here, class, we have a prime example of foreshadowing by the ABC production team. Chris Harrison interrupted the dodgeball practice to introduce a "winner-takes-all" match and randomly split the guys into a red team and a blue team. The ...

Last night, Sean Lowe's journey came to a close. His betrothed was a toss up between Catherine Giudici or Lindsey Yenter. And I decided at 7:36 pm CST that I thought the mystery letter was from his mom. Just a hunch. Chris Harrison welcomed us to the LIVE bachelor finale with some teasing information about late-breaking news that we would want to endure all three hours for before directing us to the giant television on the wall of the studio that we plunged into to locate Sean Lowe. Sean wandered around Chaing Rai, Thailand, musing that "although I see Catherine as my wife I equally see Lindsay as my wife, as well." And therein lies the problem with the Bachelor franchise. Sean Lowe's family caravaned to Thailand, complete with Kensington and Smith, his niece and nephew who would make an excellent law firm together. Smith helpfully piped up in the midst of the reunion, "Emily didn't pick you!" What a time to open up old wounds, little buddy. Sean...

Let me preface by saying that I had a truly fantastic Monday. I partook in a 2.4 mile run (at 8:14 pace!), finished my British Literature midterm, received an email and subsequent CHECK from the bursar (they owed ME money for once!), and consumed two cocktails at dinner. Needless to say, Women Tell All was just the icing on my Monday cookie cake.  I settled in on Natasha's couch in between her and Tyler with her boyfriend on her other side. Those men are very patient with our addiction to the Bachelor.  The long-awaited show opened with glimpses of Chris Harrison and Sean Lowe crashing Bachelor watch parties throughout the season. Unfortunately, their caravan never made it to lowly Oklahoma. Natasha and I would have welcomed Sean's abs and Chris' mischievous grin with open arms. Chris invites us to meet the rejected ladies--Chris, we've met them. Although I could use a re-introduction to some. Were they even ON the show? This happens every season. Tierra isn't off...

Fantasy Suite week is easily one of my top three weeks; right up there with the premiere and Women Tell All. The drama significantly lessens, much to my disappointment, as the three remaining girls are guaranteed a date and stay in separate rooms. Sean arrives in Si Kao, Thailand and describes it for all of the blind Bachelor fans out there, “it’s like something out of a movie.” Or a reality TV show! He goes on to talk about the 3 “unique girls” that he is falling for, so I can only assume that he has 3 different personalities to match them. He is looking forward to “alone time” with each woman (aka sexy time) as he broods in dark sunglasses and sways in a hammock on the beach. He continues to vomit compliments about the women and wades into the pool looking like he’s packed on a few fluffy pounds during his travels. Too much airport food, not enough hotel gyms. Sean says traveling is a test. No, Sean. Traveling is not a test of a relationship when you are already there a...

Seriously, I watched the "Sean Tells All" episode special and barely learned a single thing that I didn't already know. The one hour episode was hardly worth a recap. The only new pieces of information were: Sean and Selma decided to butterfly and eskimo kiss in order to circumvent her Muslim standards Des' brother is related to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and has a tumultuous past Sean and Lesley eat brownies more awkwardly than I've ever witnessed those delicacies being consumed Sean really was just as oblivious to the tierrable Tierra drama that ABC edited him to be. There. If you missed it, you are now all caught up. From what I've gathered through ABC production tweets, viewership has drastically risen with Sean as bachelor. Adding this "Sean Tells All" special was just another chance to keep ratings up and to help A Very Lucky Girl procrastinate her french composition. 

Fair warning: It's looking like a short recap week. I wrote five mini papers this weekend in order to make time for the two mega papers I have due in the next three weeks. So I'm nearly out of words. Plus, Tierra, her wonky eyebrow, and her sparkle are long departed. And Sarah, like her left forearm, is nowhere to be found. So what else is there to write for? NOTHING, I TELL YOU. Not to mention, hometown week is way too emotional to really make snarky comments about. But believe me, I tried. Houston, Texas is Sean's first stop to meet AshLee's parents. She brings her ugly, yappy dog named Bailey on a picnic and Sean is chauffeured to the site by a gas-guzzling SUV. AshLee and Sean bond over their pastor-kid status and then make out with extra tongue to really seal the irony. And then AshLee says the words that will likely send her home in the next few weeks: "Sean is gonna be the man to protect my heart." Wrong, please try Kasey from Ali’s seas...

The women follow their dreamboat, Sean Lowe, to St. Croix. I missed the first half of this week, but I caught the second hour of the show at Tyler's house after we attended the OU basketball game against TCU where the Horned Frogs had a rather poor showing. Boomer Sooner! But I think all that I really missed was a lot of screen time of the Tierraist, so I call that a win-win. I caught Catherine, Des, and Lindsay mid-date on the beach with Sean. Lindsay cuddled up next to her man in the sand and I strained to hear their conversation over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. There was an unmistakable blemish on her left cheek that I could not stop watching--guess her waterproof concealer didn't quite live up to its promises. Catherine replaced Lindsay a few minutes later and shared some history of her dad with Sean. Her father will not be at the hometown date because he resides in China after bouts with depression and a suicide attempt when she was 14. I think her main...

Au Canada (that means "to Canada" for all you non-francais speakers out there)! From the Montana cold to the Canadian frost, Sean keeps his shirt on for the beginning montage of this episode. For the record, I'm so confused, because this is still technically fiscal week five of the show, but week six is in Canada and Sean reminisces about "last week" in Montana, except for the rest of us, "last week" was just over 24 hours ago. He has recovered from the drama, we have not. This is like the Olympics of love. Back to back episodes of rose envy.  Chris Harrison introduces the ladies to their new abode in Alberta and leaves them on their merry way to hunt down the first date card.  "Catherine, let's find our fairytale ending." She sighs in contentment when her name is read and says, "I'm such a lucky girl." HEY-that's MY line! She has been on several group dates, but this is her first one-on-one with the man of the hour...

Confession: I watched approximately 11 minutes of the episode that ABC aired last night. But I bet I can tell you almost exactly what happened: Tierra was probably just as tierra-ble as expected. Her right eyebrow no doubt did some leaping work.  Someone probably complained about the drama and how much they hate it because they "are so not a drama person." This same person probably thrives on all things dramatic. Des drank goat's milk. That's the part I saw. Everyone wore plaid. A lot. Sean stuck his tongue down several different throats. There you have it. Everything you did (and didn't) want to know about their trek to Montana. I may or may not catch tonight's episode. If that upsets you please refer to this .  But in the meantime: "Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"-2 Samuel 7:18 A Very Lucky Girl has a lot of questions these days. 

Ahh week 4. It looks like Sean took a day off from his workout. Chris Harrison greets the ladies in the mansion and presents the 1st date card.  OH there's Sean! Just casually walking around in his boxers. Is this ABC appropriate? "Selma, Let's turn up the heat" Selma skips off to get ready for her date while the rest of the girls sit morosely in their pajamas around the living room, bemoaning their lack of a date. Selma leaves the house in yoga pants and a tank top. So I'm hoping they aren't going somewhere "really glamorous." She awkwardly lounges across his lap in their private jet, refusing to let go of his hand.  They land in the middle of what looks like the desert and Selma "does not do well in heat. at all. " He economically reuses his jeep from AshLee's date and takes them to a national park.  He invites her to rock climb to get a better view and she counters, "so are we taking a helicopter up there?" Selma...