A Very Lucky Girl

Last week, our fair bachelor Colton had just sent Caelynn packing in a flood of tears (hers, not his) and requested a pow-wow with Chris Harrison. His remaining trio of ladies stand awkwardly in the foyer clutching their champagne glasses and twirling their hair extensions in nervous anticipation for the upcoming fantasy suites. Colton and Harrison take up residence on the front porch. Colton doesn’t have a plan mapped out for losing his V-card, but if he is in love with someone then he can see it happening. After all, he’s been waiting for the opportunity to “make love” with someone all these years. Heaven help us, we are 3 minutes in and my ears are bleeding already.   Feeling comfortably buoyed by Harrison’s listening ear and not at all bothered by my injured pair, Colton joins the ladies in the foyer. He has so much hope for where these three relationships can go and announces Algarve, Portugal as their next destination. Cassie gazes at the ocean, hopeful it hold...

As promised, Tyler took one for the team last night. Boyfriend of the year award. Boyfriend of the CENTURY award. He emailed me his Bachelorette recap last night and so, with some minor revisions, I present his uncensored opinions on Des and her men: At 6:30 I made a quick and necessary trip to Starbucks down Main street to get some espresso in my system for the task I had at hand. I arrived at my house, sat on the floor, opened my Mac, tuned the television to channel 705 (roses HAVE to be in HD), sipped on the mocha, and cranked up the surround sound.  I knew it was going to be a good night. This week’s episode is set in Madeira, a small island off of the Northwestern coast of Portugal. Des’s first comment about the island is “I feel like I’m on the edge of the world.” Apparently she’s a little behind... The earth is round, sweetheart. She and the remaining guys dock in the port and head their separate ways. Des meets up with three former castmates...