A Very Lucky Girl

How suite it is that we’ve made it this far, team. To borrow an overused term from ABC, it’s truly been a journey. Hannah and her four boyfriends arrive in Crete, Greece. They’ve had their STD tests, refreshed Hannah’s birth control supply, and packed their Trojans. It’s time to take these relationships to the next level.  Pilot Pete is lucky number 1. Before we dive into his date, let’s discuss the bomb that Enews dropped on us yesterday. Precious and innocent Pete had a girlfriend until he dumped her to go on the Bachelorette. In his (slight) defense, Pete dumped her without an explanation once he found out he was cast, however they continued to keep in touch until he left for filming. He also neglected to share why he was breaking up with her, so this poor gal found out about his role on the show with the rest of the nation. Our golden boy’s reputation is tarnished today, but let’s travel back to simpler times in Greece before we knew this terrible truth.  Hann...

I thought about writing a separate recap for Women Tell All, but truthfully it wasn't all that informative. What you need to know: Arie can't stand Krystal just as much as the rest of us, Krystal swears she was hoarse for 6 weeks (thus the baby stripper voice), and Bekah is standing up for ageism.  Let's get to the overnight dates, that's what Arie was here for anyway.  Arie arrives in Ica, Peru freshly waxed and ready to get to know these women on "a whole other level" (his word, not mine). First conquest: Kendall.  Kendall is excited for their date, but is working through some anxiety on being ready to be a fiancé. She overcomes her misgivings long enough to run, jump, and straddle Arie at the start of their date. He takes her on a dune buggy ride across the desert. Kendall approves, as she likes adrenaline things. Like sweating for a rose every week.  Arie comments like that dune buggy-ing is like a relationship. There are ups and down and it's ...

Bow Chicka Wow Wow! This is the night I've been waiting for all season. This is when the door gets slammed in our faces while they get it on. However, Oakes trying to imitate Emily's preview crying was already a highlight at the very beginning. The night could only get better. They traveled to Curacao. I don't know much about the country, but I know I like the drink and it's pretty blue hue.  She sits on some really uncomfortable coral with her slowly fading spray tan to monologue about how much in disbelief she is that guys are traveling the world for free to date her! OMG! IN SHOCK! "Jef marches to his own drum completely and I love that" No, Emily, he IS the drummer in his own boy band. Have you SEEN his hair? 6 minutes in and we are still hearing about Jef. But after we trade that in for close-ups of Arie's acne I'm wishing for Jef, Sean, even Ryan back in the mix. Arie gets about 2 minutes of description. Sucks to suck. I tend to forget about S...