A Very Lucky Girl

I should start by stating the obvious: I’m not here to make friends. My level of excitement for Colton Underwood's season is approximately a negative 700. My guess is that producers are hoping he’ll be Sean Lowe 2.0, what with the whole All-American blonde, blue eyed, V-card holding vibe he has. I was Team Banker Jason from Buffalo, NY for Bachelor, but nobody asked me. Despite my repeated grumblings about how annoying Colton would be as the Bachelor, I was still in front of the TV at our season kickoff viewing party at Lori’s house. We dined on taco salads (because NEW YEAR NEW ME) and settled in to poke fun at Colton’s litany of ladies and pop Skittles every time someone mentioned Colton's virginity. As with seasons past, night one is often somewhat of a cluster so I will recap based on each individual lady. ABC threw another wrench into my recap plans by making the premiere THREE HOURS LONG!? and featuring live looks at viewing parties in California, Utah, Michigan,...

Real quick, I have SUCH a bone to pick with some members of the male population. One of my dearest friends in the world got screwed over recently. Stereotypical story. Girl meets boy. Boy gets girl's number. Boy and girl spend the majority of the next few weekends together. Girl starts falling for him because, who wouldn't? When is he attentive, he is perfect. When he kisses her, she sees them together, at least for a while. But then, boy fools around on the side. Girl confronts him, just wanting answers, only wanting the games to stop. And boy doesn't have a response of any kind. Real classy. Real cute. What a gentleman.  And now girl is understandably hurt. But her anger is so misplaced. She called me, ranting at herself, wishing she'd have been smarter with her time and investment. I told her over and over again, "this is NOT your fault", but she only countered with "I should have known better, I mean, they all do that." No. Just because t...