A Very Lucky Girl

The guys unwind from their long flight in an abundance of muted toned hoodies on a subway in Munich, Germany. Ben shares one of his many ulterior motive for applying for this show in his confession of never crossing the ocean before. He's checking two boxes off of his bucket list at once: travel, be a  jackass, and wear a womanly tank top. Oh wait, that's three! He's a go-getter.  Chris Harrison welcomes the gang, sharing Des' excitement for her first time in Europe to be with such great guys, and announces the dates for the week. The guys feel their plane food trying to make a second showing as they hear about the dreaded two-on-one date in store this week.  Chris heartlessly plants seeds of false hope by proclaiming, "see you all at the next rose ceremony!" Such a rose tease. At least one man will not be there to witness Des' sparkly dress choice of the week. Date One: "Chris, *insert words in German*..." The couple wanders the streets and...

Au Canada (that means "to Canada" for all you non-francais speakers out there)! From the Montana cold to the Canadian frost, Sean keeps his shirt on for the beginning montage of this episode. For the record, I'm so confused, because this is still technically fiscal week five of the show, but week six is in Canada and Sean reminisces about "last week" in Montana, except for the rest of us, "last week" was just over 24 hours ago. He has recovered from the drama, we have not. This is like the Olympics of love. Back to back episodes of rose envy.  Chris Harrison introduces the ladies to their new abode in Alberta and leaves them on their merry way to hunt down the first date card.  "Catherine, let's find our fairytale ending." She sighs in contentment when her name is read and says, "I'm such a lucky girl." HEY-that's MY line! She has been on several group dates, but this is her first one-on-one with the man of the hour...

At first glance I thought Ames was back with us from Ashley Hebert’s season during the introduction and I almost rejoiced. But then I realized it was just a really weird camera angle of Chris. Devastating. The gang has arrived in Prague. Before we get to actually see anybody we are treated to several camera angles of the same sun peeking around statues and ancient buildings. And finally, there is Emily dragging that trusty turquoise suitcase to her hotel. We still don't buy this you-have-muscles ploy, Em. And, OHMYGAWD, stop everything! I just realized Emily is not a natural blonde. Her roots are out to play. You are on national television, Maynard, get that fixed while you get your horrible spray tan.  First date card arrives and Sean reads it under the piercing glare of Chris willing Sean to say his name. No such luck. Arie gets to "Czech out Prague" with Emily. Am I jealous? With a pun like that? No. Emily arrives to pick up Arie and hugs ever...

Emily kicks off Week Four with a description of Bermuda. Her adjective of choice? "Cute." Tropical islands are just SO adorable. Doug is given the one-on-one date (or real-life date, if you prefer). He makes a great impression by telling her cleavage that it "looks very pretty." Emily takes a lull in the conversation to express her surprise at how she really likes it here! I mean, I was worried she was going to hate it...weren't y'all? Emily makes a giant deal of this wishing arch and confides her wish in all of America (which means it's definitely not coming true), telling us that she wished she wouldn't be single forever. Dream big, Em. Emily sees Doug as "too perfect" but his inner Hannah Montana kicks in and he promises that "nobody's perfect!" She continues to press him for faults and he valiantly tries to think of something to satisfy her. But comes up blank. Because, obviously, he's just too good to be true. ...