A Very Lucky Girl

I don't know that I'm necessarily easily angered, but I am easily irritated. I struggle most with holding grudges. You know how I can tell when I haven't forgiven someone completely in a Godly manner? I remain distant and standoffish. God doesn't do that when He forgives me wholly always. Clearly, I'm not God-like. I'm angry with several people at this time. I'm angry with my family for changing. I'm angry with God for allowing so much bad to happen. I'm angry at myself for not praying as much as I ought. But what difference does prayer make, honestly? God supposedly knows what I want before I even know or ask for it myself, but He hasn't come through even when I have asked. Where was He when I moved high schools 3 times? Where was He during lonely senior year? Where was He when I left TCU? Where was He when I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease? Where was He when I missed old friends? Where was He when the tornado hit Moore? Where is He no...

Delay isn't denial. It's often hard to accurately express what I'm feeling. I've been working at it. It's difficult to enunciate what I need from people. Something about putting musical notes to words makes them easier to understand and connect with.  Winter has come back again Feels like the season won't end My faith is dying tonight And I won't try to pretend I've got it all figured out That I don't have any doubts I've got a busted heart, I need You now. I'll show them I'm willing to fight And give them the best of my life So we can call this our home Lead me, cause I can't do this alone I got a front row seat To the longest wait And I just can't see Past the things I pray Today. I don't know, I don't know What tomorrow may hold But I know, but I know That You're holding it all So no matter what may come I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are 'Til every d...

I heard an analogy recently about sin that I wanted to share as a caution against judging others. I searched online for someone who could put it more eloquently than I, but my google search came up empty.  Imagine that every time you did something wrong, a penny was stacked against you. You lied, you cheated, you drank in excess. Those are pennies stacked against you. Then someone you know committed a more "grievous" sin, according to what some in the world may think. They partook in adultery or gave in to a harmful addiction. In our human minds, those sins deserve higher stacks of pennies. But in God's eyes, He looks down and just sees the fact you both have pennies stacked against you. He doesn't see the height of the stack the world sees. He only sees the one coin on top indicating your imperfection and need for redemeption that you share with the person who sinned "more."  Sin is not measured in degrees "None is righteous, no, not one....

Fair warning: this post could tip a bit to the overly religious side, so stop reading now if you aren't interested. But now I probably made you curious right? Human nature is awesome like that. During my Sunday School years of choir practice and the infamous Bible Buddies, I belted out the song: "Oh be careful little eyes what you see Oh be careful little eyes what you see For the Father up above, He is looking down in love So, be careful little eyes what you see" The song continues throughout four more verses, espousing the virtues of being careful about what you hear, do, go, and say. Recently, I've been overthinking that 3rd and 4th line. I don't doubt that God is looking down in love, but I doubt that's the sole reason to be cautious with my senses. People are people-watchers at heart. I'm the first to admit to hypocrisy. It's not for lack of effort, but it's always easier to walk on the treadmill rather than run. I've b...