A Very Lucky Girl

The Bachelor continues their national tour to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Arie drives a sporty car along the beach with his douchey tattoo peeking out from under his sleeve. The 12 girls bike along the shore and are like so excited to see their relationships continue to form with Arie. The women pile into their penthouse suite at the W and two girls are so pumped about the bathtub that they plant themselves in it instantly--sans water.  Chris Harrison must have taken a personal day, because Arie pops into the penthouse without preamble and without Chris announcing how many dates or what kind of dates they will be. How will the women stay organized?! It could be anarchy--which is why I blame Chris for the how the rest of the week went down.  Maquel is back on board, which makes 13 women. The women fill her in on the bullet she dodged last week by missing the group wilderness date.  Arie personally asks Chelsea on the first one on one of the week. She can't wait to show ...

Welcome to the week of the show where the men tell all they can contractually reveal. Which usually isn't much. I was thoroughly confused considering Men Tell All is typically sandwiched after fantasy suites and in between the finale. The reunion of Des and her second runner up guy is made 10x awkwarder since they've seen each other naked. Unfortunately, due to extreme drama next week, we didn't get the uncomfortable scenario this season. Harrison introduces himself like I don't know his first and last name and his relationship history like the back of my hand. Want to know a secret? It's probably one of my top five dreams to have Harrison and the Bachelor/ette of the season to crash my watch party. Except instead of houses full of 40+ people, my Monday nights consist of me, my couch, my dog, and my computer. Des might not like witnessing my snarky note-taking.  To prep for the big MTA event, Des sits down with previous bachelorettes (Emily, Ashley, and Ali) to ...

Now that I've started working this summer, I look forward to Monday Bachelorette nights even more. This one did not disappoint. Date Card One: "Chris, Ryan, Drew, Michael, Brooks, Brad, Mikey, Brandon, Zak, Ben...love is a battlefield." Des met her men in a clashing neon outfit of orange tank top and hot pink sweatshirt and invited them into a garage. A team of professional dodgeball players greeted them and taught them the tricks of the trade. I played dodgeball in P.E. in sixth grade. I could probably teach them a few things. But these pros were intense and were here for the right reasons. One of Des' men monologued, "it's all fun and games until the ambulance arrives and someone has a broken face." And here, class, we have a prime example of foreshadowing by the ABC production team. Chris Harrison interrupted the dodgeball practice to introduce a "winner-takes-all" match and randomly split the guys into a red team and a blue team. The ...

Ashlee Amanda   These ladies will make their ABC debut on Sean Lowe's season of "The Bachelor" TOMORROW. Rumor has it that Kacie B. is going to join them in a "who IS she?" moment that will join the ranks of Jersey Shore Elyse's comment from Bachelor                  Ben's season in  franchise history. Brooke Ashley P Right now they are only a blur of boobs, spray tans, and blindingly white teeth. But I have picked out some favorites and some ladies that are sure to see the rejection limo first. Brooke, Leslie (not to be confused with Lesley), and Robyn will likely be among the first ones eliminated. Sad as it is, there has never been any diversity in the final relationships in Bachelor history. I expect Daniella, Kelly, and Lacey to make the ditziest comments (I discriminate against blonde hair). Lindsay and Lauren are my top two picks. Lauren reminds me of Sean's mom (we totes email--just kidding, we all saw ...

Chris Harrison introduces the show, promoting the competition for money and suggesting that participants "may even hook up and fall in love." Because falling in love is a direct result of hooking up...has anyone found this to be true? Please share if so. We get a close view of some the contestants. Chris from Emily's season mopes on a leather couch about his pathetic love life and ABC finds it necessary to get several shots of that. Horseless Lindzi recognizes that she lost to Courtney on Ben's season, but admits that she has gained the bonus of not trusting anyone. ABC therapists have their work cut out for them. Reid is from Jillian's season. I don't know who he is but he's adorable. Ed is from Jillian's season, her ex-fiance to be exact. He confesses to cheating scandals that ended their year-long engagement, but blames his infidelity on his hesitance to commit. I wonder what to blame his white pants on.We all fondly remember Blakely as the ...

Sorry it took me so long to post this! I didn't get a chance to watch it until Saturday while i was dog sitting devil puppies. I have broken up about 3 fights and one of the dogs has ripped up faux decorative apples. Fun Fact: there's a dead mouse in one of these walls. Can absolutely smell it. It's absolutely disgusting. Mmm decomp. I loooove Men Tell All! Especially on a season that lacked spice because of Emily's blandness. Chris Harrison introduces the show by asking if we are all on the edge of our seats to see Emily find the love of her life. Ehh, I'm honestly iffy. I am, however, thrilled to see all the women in America throw themselves at Emily's sloppy seconds. Chris also pronounces finale (FIN-AL-EE) like FIN-ALL-EE. Stop that. Has he done this every season? I need to pay more attention. As we relive the season for the bazillionth time we get to see a clumsy Emily spill wine all over her favorite prom dress and curse about it. Top 3 favorite moment o...

Monday night at 8 pm I was frantically driving through the streets of Norman, searching for the designated Bachelorette viewing area where Savannah anxiously awaited my arrival. I had been hanging out with Tyler (I tried to surprise him, but that was an epic fail. He was nice enough to pretend that I succeeded) and understandably lost track of time. Before I knew it, Emily was about to go on her first date of the season and I was about to miss it! I slid into my spot on the couch mid-date, to Savannah's intense disappointment. Ryan received the first date card. Susan admitted that he reminds her of a Labrador, as in the dog. Something about his boring-ness? Personally, I think the unexcitement of his date with Emily infiltrated his personality. Not his fault! They baked cookies and went to Rickii's soccer practice (Ricki being her daughter; all I can think about when I see her name is the story "Rikki-tiki-tavi"). After she showed off her soccer mom skills they wen...

Any guesses as to where I was Monday night at 8:30 when Emily made her dating debut? Not in front of the TV. I got the chance to hang out with Tyler so obviously I took it! Instead I hung out with 2,000 other Thunder fans in Thunder alley, urging on the storm that devastated those Lakers. Sucks to suck. But of course I made sure that Bachelorette was set to record before I left the house. Unfortunately, that plan was not foolproof for I received this heart-attack inducing text as soon as we arrived at Thunder alley. All hell almost broke loose. Thankfully, I was able to convince Paul to record it for me, but sadly there was a glitch and neither television housed my show when I settled down to watch it on Tuesday night. Thank God for Hulu! #problemsolver Savannah and Susan treated me to some spoiler texts. What sweethearts. But I truly hoped that half were false, because as much as I dislike Emily, no one deserves the kinds of guys they were insisting starred in the show. First ...

The other day I was texting one of my friends and mentioned that I was jealous of his life and wished that I was him at that moment (he was taking a nap. one of my favorite things in the world) and he countered with, "...but I like you for being Taylor." 1, 2, 3...d'awwww. And it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes in all the world from 27 Dresses, "Why would you want to be me if you get to be you?"  But I recently got to thinking, who would I want to be, if I wasn't me? Obviously, Jennifer Aniston is high on that list. She is one of my all-time favorite women. I love her in every single movie she stars in, but I have a secret girl crush on her as Rachel in Friends. She possesses this likable quality that I would give anything to have, her ditzy actions overshadowed by her good intentions and easy laugh. And Jen herself isn't too bad, either. I don't know her personally, unfortunately, but from what I've seen of her in the Hollywood world,...

The #1 depressing thing in my life right now? Oakes (my brother) doesn't follow me (@mymylilADPi) on Twitter. When I first signed up for my wings he followed me and then a few days later informed me that he had revoked that privilege because I was "bad at twitter." Excuse me? Please tell me how that works, ginger.  And so here it is, 8 or 9 months later, and @_Scal still hasn't blessed me with a follow. I think I'm going to ask him for that for my birthday, it's right up his alley: cheap.  I'd consider myself an average tweeter, in terms of quantity (You already know that I don't skimp on the quality coming from my tweets). I never tweet more than 10 times a day, and it's usually somewhere between 3 or 4 snippets of sass. Whereas my timeline is trampled with tidbits of information from the same people, usually about mundane moments OR (this is when I grab my candy du jour and settle in for several minutes of scrolling) crazy drama. It amazes me...