A Very Lucky Girl

Let me set the scene for a moment. Picture a gritty theater in downtown Los Angeles. Now imagine a low-lit dressing room and add a whimpering girl in a glittering dress and a baffled ex-boyfriend. Welcome back to the Bachelor!  We pick up mid group date with Peter and Hannah’s dressing room pow-wow. Hannah’s running mascara has been touched up by a trusty makeup wipe from a producer’s emergency kit and Peter hits her with “you are the one who said no to me, I’ve never said no to you.” Hannah doesn’t deny this, but she continues to agonize over if she made the right decision as she let go of someone who didn’t hurt her heart. Peter wants someone who wants him and Hannah whispers “let’s go catch a flight” as they snuggle on the couch, Peter’s head resting somewhere in the vicinity of Hannah’s abdomen. Hannah asks for a hug, but ends up climbing into Peter’s lap instead and kissing his forehead. The star-crossed couple gaze into each other’s eyes until Peter breaks the spell w...

We’ve been trapped on Alabama Hannah’s roller coaster of a season for weeks on end, but the denouement is in sight. Just a couple more stomach-dropping plunges and loops stand in the way of us and Bachelor in Paradise! Dapper Chris Harrison welcomes his audience back to the studio. Despite working overtime this week, Harrison is impeccably dressed as usual. He wastes no time alluding to the lies, betrayal, and even a cringe worthy proposal we are about to view.  Footage of Engagement Day in Greece graces the big-screens. Hannah lounges in bed with her coffee and her Bible. She has no doubt that both Jed and Tyler have seen the good and bad parts of her. She ponders her growth and the validation she no longer requires. She doesn’t need a man, but she wants one to experience all of life with.  Hannah primps in the mirror and pretends to curl her own hair -- though we all know her styling team was waiting just outside the camera angle. Tyler gazes at the ocean and...

I missed blogging last week due to vacation, but I caught up on week eight's episode before Hannah hit hometowns!  This week kicks off in Westlake Village, California -- the home of Pilot Peter. Coincidentally, he lives just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Bachelor Mansion. Hannah runs and jumps into his arms before he introduces her to his fancy car, which he affectionately refers to as “baby.” Hannah wastes no time in digging around his center console, where she finds a tin of Altoids and a condom. Peter is visibly embarrassed, but tries to save face by announcing he is safe in everything he does. They arrive at an airport and board a tiny plane because Peter is looking for a copilot for life.  He flies them over Bachelor mansion, where they first met. And where she met all 29 of her other recent boyfriends. The couple snuggles in the cockpit as Peter flies over his family’s home and then safely grounds the aircraft in time to kick back and talk about their pote...

We last left Hannah Brown and Chris Harrison sitting fireside in LA at the Bachelor mansion, recapping a season that I’ve already recapped. Somehow, Harrison and Hannah have hopped on a plane to be back in Riga, Latvia in order to shoot some real content.  Hannah stands in a cathedral and reflects on her journey thus far. She is ready for a new week and a fresh start -- this is approximately the 9 billionth fresh start this season for those keeping score. Hannah has a good feeling for Riga and what it can bring (nudity, if the previews are to be believed).  Her suitors wander Riga and marvel at the romance of the city. Tyler C is wearing a light-washed jean jacket from the local Latvian Goodwill, but we won't hold it against him. A knock sounds at the hotel door and reveals a date card on a stool.  “Garrett, can I trust our love? Love, Hannah.” Luke is verging on apoplectic and we’ve only been in Latvia for about 8 minutes. He is immensely jea...