A Very Lucky Girl

I don't know that I'm necessarily easily angered, but I am easily irritated. I struggle most with holding grudges. You know how I can tell when I haven't forgiven someone completely in a Godly manner? I remain distant and standoffish. God doesn't do that when He forgives me wholly always. Clearly, I'm not God-like. I'm angry with several people at this time. I'm angry with my family for changing. I'm angry with God for allowing so much bad to happen. I'm angry at myself for not praying as much as I ought. But what difference does prayer make, honestly? God supposedly knows what I want before I even know or ask for it myself, but He hasn't come through even when I have asked. Where was He when I moved high schools 3 times? Where was He during lonely senior year? Where was He when I left TCU? Where was He when I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease? Where was He when I missed old friends? Where was He when the tornado hit Moore? Where is He no...

I'm full of excuses for why Dr. Townsend's book still remains closed on my bedside table, the number one reason being that I have been steadily working through my online History of Jazz class. I did attend a counseling appointment this week and she asked me difficult questions about resentment and forgiveness. I mostly sat in sullen silence when she brought those sensitive topics up.  I am a self-seeker at heart. Forgiveness is a strictly self-less activity, because it is essentially saying that the injury does not matter.  My goals for this summer include other people. I wouldn't say that these goals are self-seeking necessarily, but they are self-generated, which likely means I am putting what I value ahead of the equally valid values of my counterparts.  I typically think of myself as a sympathetic and considerate individual. But sometimes those qualities only extend to how they benefit myself. Seeking selflessness is an ongoing battle for A Very Lucky Girl. ...