A Very Lucky Girl

Once upon a time I told anyone that would listen that I was not going to watch The Bachelor this season, much less blog about it, because Nick Viall is a terrible person. But here we are. Peer pressure is real.  For those of you who don't know, Nick Viall (pronounced vile rather than the city in Colorado) is making his fourth appearance on national television in what we can all hope is his final attempt to "find love." So far he has found three ex-girlfriends and 8 bottles of tequila in paradise. He was on Andi's season, Kaitlyn's season, and Bachelor in Paradise. As he prepares for this journey (which he has now packed for FOUR times, what on earth does this dude do for a living?), he hangs out with his 10 siblings and muses, "I don't have care how many times I have to go on TV  try!"  Before the big opening night, previous Bachelors Sean Lowe, Ben Higgins, and Chris Soules bro out in California sunshine. Whose idea was it to put the albino f...

There's been an app floating around for probably a year or two now called Tinder. If you aren't familiar, I'll try to explain the basis for how it works. All users sign up through their Facebook account and the app reveals several profile pictures, the first name and age of the user, and their interests. Everything you've liked since you first signed up for Facebook in 2008 will appear on Tinder, including "Eating" and "Mama Mia." I do thoroughly enjoy both things, but I usually don't let strangers know right off the bat. On Tinder, I didn't have a choice. The language of my phone is currently in Portuguese, so I was even more at a disadvantage with how to navigate this new app. I eventually figured out how to set my preferences, and opted for people within 10 miles of me of the ages 21 to 25. If they couldn't buy me a drink they were automatically out of the running.  I added two more pictures to my profile, each user is allowed six,...

"Well I smoke and I fish But not near enough to satisfy an itch Aw but girl understand  I need something to do with my hands I don't work on a car And I'm as bad at pool As I am at throwing darts And golf, not a fan I need something to do with my hands So maybe I can stick 'em in your pockets Run 'em through your hair And we can get to rockin' There you are and baby here I am And I need something to do with my hands" Thomas Rhett, artist of the country hit, "Something To Do With My Hands," is at a loss. And, though he seems to think I do, this girl does NOT understand. As catchy as the tune may be, I do not accept responsibility for providing an activity for Mr. Rhett's appendages. He may not "stick 'em" in my pockets or "run 'em" through my hair.  Instead, he may do any of the following: Make me a sandwich Write a 5,000 word essay about the rape culture we live in and the harm a song like...

On this auspicious day in history, the day Aaron Samuels asked Cady Heron what day it was in math class, I thought it would be appropriate to take a look at what I have learned from countless screenings of Tina Fey's infamous film. It's okay to have a routine.  Try new hairstyles. They might just work out. Don't overdue it when getting ready. Everyone is different. Embrace what separates you.  Diets are for squares. Glen Coco is the epitome of cool. As much as I and Gretchen Weiners want it to, fetch is never going to happen. No sex is the best sex. Thanks Coach Carr. The best hiding spot for anything is Gretchen's hair. Be flexible enough to make disasters fabulous. If someone says they like your outfit you should be suspicious. Meanness gets you nowhere. Gretchen Weiners is a closet terrorist. If you hang around with the wrong people long enough, you run the risk...

The women follow their dreamboat, Sean Lowe, to St. Croix. I missed the first half of this week, but I caught the second hour of the show at Tyler's house after we attended the OU basketball game against TCU where the Horned Frogs had a rather poor showing. Boomer Sooner! But I think all that I really missed was a lot of screen time of the Tierraist, so I call that a win-win. I caught Catherine, Des, and Lindsay mid-date on the beach with Sean. Lindsay cuddled up next to her man in the sand and I strained to hear their conversation over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. There was an unmistakable blemish on her left cheek that I could not stop watching--guess her waterproof concealer didn't quite live up to its promises. Catherine replaced Lindsay a few minutes later and shared some history of her dad with Sean. Her father will not be at the hometown date because he resides in China after bouts with depression and a suicide attempt when she was 14. I think her main...

A strange number texted me on Friday, December 21. Coincidentally the same day that the Mayan calendar ended. But obviously we are still here because the Jonas Brothers promised that we make it to the Year 3000. My great great granddaughter is doing fine, in case you wanted to know.  I knew it was a Tulsa area code so I wracked my brain for all the people I knew from Tulsa, texted my friends to check and see if they had the contact number, and questioned the source, all to no avail.    The culprit, calling himself Peaches, turned out to be a complete stranger. The brother of a boy named Micah, a ChickFilA cashier that I apparently gave my number to...summer of 2010. Micah left my number on a napkin on his desk for 2.5 years. Public Service Announcement: If a girl gives you her digits on a napkin, either use the number or throw it away. Do NOT keep said napkin for 2.5 years and have your sibling text her.     I. was. so. creeped. out. Let it be k...

J P Rosenbaum and Ashley Hebert publicly married on December 1st in California, but shared their story with the rest of the world on ABC on December 16th. I was unfortunately (fortunately?) occupied with an incredible Christmas party involving all of my coworkers at Fuzzy's so I relied on TiVo to capture the moment. It captured most of the moment--right up until "coming up, the couple exchanges their emotional vows" thanks to a Wipeout episode that exceeded its alloted time.  Chris Harrison presided over the ceremony and the broadcast, highlighting the astonishing fact that this is the THIRD bachelor franchise wedding. Out of at least 20 seasons, I think...The odds are never in their favor. The camera cuts to "the life that JP and Ashley have already started building together" (aka: national television speak for living in sin) and flashbacks to their journey on Ashley's season of the bachelorette. Their first kiss appeared to be entirely left up to chance ...