A Very Lucky Girl

I'm on page 27 of Dr. Townsend's book. It's not exactly a light read. He talked about mirror neurons on page 26 and I admittedly skimmed until I started seeing non-scientific words again. He noted that "learning about love can't be done out of the context of relationship" which I thought was enlightening. Especially since I originally planned to teach myself how to love by myself. But he defines love as bending "our heart, mind, and energies toward the betterment of someone else." I tried to practice patience and kindness this week so that the people I'm around feel loved.   And this week I add the third quality, "it [love] does not envy." I remember when Megan received her Jeep last year. I was so envious. I've never really had a car to call my own EVER and here she was getting her brand spankin' new dream car when her old car still got her from Point A to Point B. I was SO jealous. I wasn't as happy as I could have been...

I don't know that I'm any less broken , but I am lightyears happier than I was at this time last week. I've been attempting to practice love as patience this week. I've never been the most patient person. I like things to happen in MY timing and MY schedule. Recently, part of patience to me is being mentally present when I'm around my friends and family. I've been practicing putting my phone on complete silent mode and letting social media revolve without me for a few hours at a time. It honestly comes down to Friends With Faces First sometimes. Doesn't mean that I ignore my longer-distance friends, but I also don't put them ahead of my more spatially accessible loved ones. I had a moment of shame this week. I really did not feel like being kind to one of my friends. I didn't feel like expressing my compassion and I tried to defend that feeling by thinking to myself, "NEXT week is love is kind." But that is the sort of thinking that ...

Anyone who has seen me since Thursday night probably surmised that I've been celebrating 4/20 a week early this year. Not true. (I don't plan on celebrating it at all). It's been a miserable few days. It's hard to admit and see in myself that I'm lacking something when it comes to relationships. I'm better and quicker at scathing remarks than words and actions that build a person up.  It's a trend that could stem from any number of things from my past, but it's a trend I want to stop.  Self-help books aren't my favorite genre. I prefer a gripping novel, but I went on Amazon today and bought myself the first book that looked like it could help fix me.  So this is me right now ^^^ I don't want to waste anymore time being this unattached person because it's ruining relationships that I treasure. I'm anxiously awaiting the delivery of Loving People: How to Love and Be Loved  by Dr. John Townsend. I'm hoping it will be the best $7...