A Very Lucky Girl

I'm full of excuses for why Dr. Townsend's book still remains closed on my bedside table, the number one reason being that I have been steadily working through my online History of Jazz class. I did attend a counseling appointment this week and she asked me difficult questions about resentment and forgiveness. I mostly sat in sullen silence when she brought those sensitive topics up.  I am a self-seeker at heart. Forgiveness is a strictly self-less activity, because it is essentially saying that the injury does not matter.  My goals for this summer include other people. I wouldn't say that these goals are self-seeking necessarily, but they are self-generated, which likely means I am putting what I value ahead of the equally valid values of my counterparts.  I typically think of myself as a sympathetic and considerate individual. But sometimes those qualities only extend to how they benefit myself. Seeking selflessness is an ongoing battle for A Very Lucky Girl. ...

I've recently been consumed by the idea of selfless love. Two different books I've been reading have a theme of love, "The End of the Affair" by Graham Greene and "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. All of the characters in Greene's novel are depicted as selfish humans only capable of loving in a way that's easy for them. They love in a greedy form versus loving for someone else's benefit.  Miller recognizes the worldly perspective on love as being able to die for something or someone. But he then counters with, "living for something...is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition." Living for someone is the ultimate sacrifice because it involves daily death to your own selfish desires.  I've been trying to practice real love. It doesn't come naturally. My first instinct is to look out for myself and my best, or easier, interests. I need to actively listen to what my friends ...