A Very Lucky Girl

You may have noticed that I missed a week between Week Three and Week Five. At my house, instead of watching the adventures in Singapore, I was running back and forth to the bathroom puking my guts up with some kind of 24 hour bug. Usually I’d make time to watch later in the week… but I just didn’t. Because Colton bores me. So I’m skipping Singapore and heading straight for Thailand. I can’t help but think that Colton picked Thailand because it was the destination right after Becca sent him home last season and he’s bitter that he missed it the first time around. Demi kicks off the week by talking in the third person and announcing that Singapore was sexy, which was basically all I needed to know about the week that I missed. Colton rinses down in an outdoor shower, as one does naturally, and Sydney describes Thailand as “honeymoon prime time.” The girls relish in their new luxury digs before getting interruped by a knock at the door. Chris Harrison’s flight from Singapo...

source This week we are thaid up in a love triangle in Chang Mai, Thailand. Becca is over the moon to be among the culture AKA street food and temples. She's determined that she is in love with 2 men and falling in love with a 3rd.  Blake is lucky number 1 for overnight. I've always thought that receiving the first shot at the fantasy suite is a badge of honor--less chance of sexually communicable diseases and such.  Becca is wearing her very best LuLuLemon leggings and crop top and informs Blake that they are going to hike to a sacred temple. They cannot kiss or touch after crossing the threshold into the forest, yet Becca's midriff isn't considered offensive. Cut off from their one source of entertainment (lip-locking), Becca and Blake exchange comments of how beautiful the hike is during their ascent. A monk shows them into the temple where the couple receives a lesson on honestly, patience, etc.  The monks invite them to ring a bell to spread their love to...

Fantasy Suite week is easily one of my top three weeks; right up there with the premiere and Women Tell All. The drama significantly lessens, much to my disappointment, as the three remaining girls are guaranteed a date and stay in separate rooms. Sean arrives in Si Kao, Thailand and describes it for all of the blind Bachelor fans out there, “it’s like something out of a movie.” Or a reality TV show! He goes on to talk about the 3 “unique girls” that he is falling for, so I can only assume that he has 3 different personalities to match them. He is looking forward to “alone time” with each woman (aka sexy time) as he broods in dark sunglasses and sways in a hammock on the beach. He continues to vomit compliments about the women and wades into the pool looking like he’s packed on a few fluffy pounds during his travels. Too much airport food, not enough hotel gyms. Sean says traveling is a test. No, Sean. Traveling is not a test of a relationship when you are already there a...