A Very Lucky Girl

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2.  We started a new thing in our Junior Girls CRU bibly study on Monday nights. We memorize someone's favorite verse every week. Last week was Erin's. Another translation changes it to "as my heart is overwhelmed," a truly accurate phrase for what I've felt lately. I am an unapologetic Christian cynic. I know the right answers, I've been taught them since I could talk.  But the right answers seem so trite to me when I hurt. They make me mad. It's not that easy. "All things work out how God wants them to." Cool. Good for Him. But they aren't working out how I want them.  "Well, you're supposed to want God's will." But isn't He also supposed to do what is best for me? How is constant pain good for me? "Trials make you better." I've had my fair share, thanks.  The rig...

I've been listening to one of the greatest musical albums of all time for the past week. Backstreet's Back, FOR REAL THIS TIME. "In A World Like This" is lyrical genius. I'm especially fond of the following lines: In a world like this where some back down I know we're gonna make it. In a time like this where love comes 'round I know we gotta take it. In a world like this where people fall apart In a time like this where nothing comes from the heart In a world like this, I've got you.  The world mega sucked on Monday. The mailbox held some terrible surprises, just in time to stress me out in an already stressful week crammed with academia and employment woes. But I was reminded of the people who have me in a world like this. Grace perfectly timed a note to counter the awful mail, reminding me of those that care who aren't even in my same state. Tyler endured my ugly crying (what a trooper, so much snot) and the two Amys I recently ...

I don't know that I'm necessarily easily angered, but I am easily irritated. I struggle most with holding grudges. You know how I can tell when I haven't forgiven someone completely in a Godly manner? I remain distant and standoffish. God doesn't do that when He forgives me wholly always. Clearly, I'm not God-like. I'm angry with several people at this time. I'm angry with my family for changing. I'm angry with God for allowing so much bad to happen. I'm angry at myself for not praying as much as I ought. But what difference does prayer make, honestly? God supposedly knows what I want before I even know or ask for it myself, but He hasn't come through even when I have asked. Where was He when I moved high schools 3 times? Where was He during lonely senior year? Where was He when I left TCU? Where was He when I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease? Where was He when I missed old friends? Where was He when the tornado hit Moore? Where is He no...

Would you rather be able to see your future but not be able to change it or see everyone else's future and not be able to tell them? Savannah unleashed this question on our hall last year during a rousing game of "would you rather." I was stumped. I can see the downside of both flipsides. Why would you want to know of possible impending doom in your own future and not be able to take action against it? Why would you want to know of impending doom in another's future and not be able to warn them? I think I would much rather see another's future though. Because the question says nothing about whether I could change their future. I just wouldn't be able to tell them that I was helping. I was inspired by that one question and googled several other tricky options. I found the mother load: Would you rather eat only Nutella or only bacon? Is this for real? I have an "i love bacon" magnet on my fridge. Gimme that pig, crispy, of course! Would you ra...

The last time I was legitimately angry? A week and a half ago. I was playing Phase 10 with Tyler and the family. We sat around the dining room table, alternately glaring at anyone who tried to sneak a peak at our cards and skipping whoever was in the lead. Typically Oakes or Tyler. It was phase 9. I was trying desperately to obtain a set of 5 and a set of 2. I was one card away and the next turn was slowly circling the table. Megan had put down her phase and was merely waiting to go out. Shari lamented that she wasn't picking up anything that she needed. Megan helpfully piped up, "What card do you need? Maybe I have it!" Shari stared in disbelief, but wasn't above getting illegal help, as she responded, "6 or 8?" Megan casually tossed down an 8, much to my dismay. Shari eagerly picked it up and proceeded to get rid of all of her cards in the next 4 seconds. I slammed my cards down on the table and expressed my rage as calmly as possible. Paul, Oakes, and T...

Real quick, I have SUCH a bone to pick with some members of the male population. One of my dearest friends in the world got screwed over recently. Stereotypical story. Girl meets boy. Boy gets girl's number. Boy and girl spend the majority of the next few weekends together. Girl starts falling for him because, who wouldn't? When is he attentive, he is perfect. When he kisses her, she sees them together, at least for a while. But then, boy fools around on the side. Girl confronts him, just wanting answers, only wanting the games to stop. And boy doesn't have a response of any kind. Real classy. Real cute. What a gentleman.  And now girl is understandably hurt. But her anger is so misplaced. She called me, ranting at herself, wishing she'd have been smarter with her time and investment. I told her over and over again, "this is NOT your fault", but she only countered with "I should have known better, I mean, they all do that." No. Just because t...