A Very Lucky Girl

Last night, Sean Lowe's journey came to a close. His betrothed was a toss up between Catherine Giudici or Lindsey Yenter. And I decided at 7:36 pm CST that I thought the mystery letter was from his mom. Just a hunch. Chris Harrison welcomed us to the LIVE bachelor finale with some teasing information about late-breaking news that we would want to endure all three hours for before directing us to the giant television on the wall of the studio that we plunged into to locate Sean Lowe. Sean wandered around Chaing Rai, Thailand, musing that "although I see Catherine as my wife I equally see Lindsay as my wife, as well." And therein lies the problem with the Bachelor franchise. Sean Lowe's family caravaned to Thailand, complete with Kensington and Smith, his niece and nephew who would make an excellent law firm together. Smith helpfully piped up in the midst of the reunion, "Emily didn't pick you!" What a time to open up old wounds, little buddy. Sean...

The Emily/Ricki duo and her suitors are still in Curacao soaking up the sun rays but sticking to their spray tans. Jef monologues on his way to meet the Maynard family, adamant that he loves Emily more than any other girl in his life. But not any other guy? One F, your red flag is showing. He hands bouquets of expensive flowers to Emily's female family members, which I originally thought was courtesy of ABC's checkbook, but Arie's empty hands proved otherwise. Jef converses with the Maynard men about what it would mean to be a husband to Emily and dad to "little Ricki." seriously, her name is always a phrase. I can't help but think hip hop/rap artist. Brother Ernie (too eerily close to Arie) stares down One F, but Jef doesn't waver in his declarations.  Arie arrives to meet the family Maynard in a shirt that resembles part of a long johns set and bearing no gifts, upon first look. BUT WAIT, he has a wooden box. Filled with old roses he's won from the...