Bachelor Recap Week Five: The Lying Game
The Bachelor continues their national tour to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Arie drives a sporty car along the beach with his douchey tattoo peeking out from under his sleeve. The 12 girls bike along the shore and are like so excited to see their relationships continue to form with Arie. The women pile into their penthouse suite at the W and two girls are so pumped about the bathtub that they plant themselves in it instantly--sans water.
Chris Harrison must have taken a personal day, because Arie pops into the penthouse without preamble and without Chris announcing how many dates or what kind of dates they will be. How will the women stay organized?! It could be anarchy--which is why I blame Chris for the how the rest of the week went down.
Maquel is back on board, which makes 13 women. The women fill her in on the bullet she dodged last week by missing the group wilderness date.
Arie personally asks Chelsea on the first one on one of the week. She can't wait to show off her non-mom side. The couple boards a yacht for a day of luxury and Chelsea gushes to the camera that she thinks Arie is 100% sexy. I think he's about 3% sexy.. and that's being generous.
Because the binocular trick worked so well in Tahoe, the ABC intern lugs a telescope up to the roof of the W for the women to stumble upon and spy Chelsea and Arie making out on jet skis.
Following their afternoon on the yacht, Chelsea and Arie head to dinner at a car museum. Arie assures Chelsea he doesn't want to waste her time. I squint at the glare Arie's forehead is creating under the shiny lights. Chelsea shares more about her previous relationship. It lasted 7 years, but at the end she was left with her belongings in trash bags and a 6 month old to raise on her own. Tonight it's all turning around, she gets a rose from Arie plus a private concert by an unknown artist. I know we all thought Chelsea was a villain on night 1, but I'm thinking strong contender for hometown dates at the very least.
Ding Dong Date Card: Maquel, Krystal, Bekah M, Becca, Jenna, Seinne, Kendall, Ashley, Marikh, Jacqueline, and Lauren B: There's not a moment to spare.
The gang gathers at a bowling alley, because nothing says love like pitchers of beer and bowling balls licked by Arie himself. They grab a couple of lanes next to the older ladies who just came from their quilting circle. Arie's girls are throwing strikes around like it's my turn at bat in a softball game, which means it's about time for that anarchy I promised you.
Arie announces that the group will be splitting into teams to compete in a bowling competition. The winning team will attend the after party, the losing team heads back to the penthouse. The girls jog into the locker room to change into some truly unflattering bowling uniforms, split into the Pin Ups versus The Spare Roses. Krystal leads her team, TSP, in prayer before throwing out the first bowl.
The game is not at all close and The Spare Roses come away the clear victors. Surprise-Krystal is not a graceful winner. She ostentatiously asks Arie what's on the agenda now that they won.
Arie, looking at the big picture and seeing that 22-year-old Bekah was on the losing team and hoping for some 22-year-old booty tonight, decides that time is crucial and he shouldn't take that away from the Pin Ups. He announces that it will be best for everyone to attend the after party. At his words, Krystal's smile literally melts off of her face.
The girls walk into the W to get changed for the bar and recap that on the bus ride Krystal lost her damn mind. She kept repeating that Arie is a liar, among other disrespectful things. Krystal defends herself by stating that she's looking for a partnership and someone that she trusts. Apparently, Arie changing his mind makes him a liar.
**Sidenote: this is why we need Chris Harrison every week. He keeps the peace and sets boundaries.
Krystal packs all of her stuff and states that she is skipping the after party. The rest of them can deliver her RSVP.
The women look at each other awkwardly and Ashley speaks for the first time all season with "Well, I think we should go."
They arrive downstairs at the W bar, hoping that Krystal's latest tantrum will earn her a ticket to the SUV of sorrow. Jenna throws back a couple of champagne glasses as they wait for Arie. He shows up and questions Krystal's absence and decides he should go check on her. Which is exactly what Krystal hoped would happen in the first place.
Arie enters Krystal's room and finds her in her robe. He asks what's up and she says nothing. She's the kind of girl who will say everything is fine and then stab you in the eyeball in your sleep 3 hours later. Krystal feels disrespected. Arie feels annoyed and says she should stay in her room tonight. Krystal is grounded.
Back at the after group, Arie invites the women to shake it off 1989 style in regards to Krystal. Bekah grabs Arie's hand and dubs the wind Hurricane Krystal. They make out on a couch by the pool. Arie loves her spirit and energy. He still hates her age.
Arie takes Becca to his room for some alone time. I think this is very telling and exactly why I picked her to receive his final rose. He is real with her. They kiss the hell out of each other.
Back in the penthouse, Krystal decides she's tired of being grounded. She dolls up and heads down to the bar to resolve things with Arie. But first, she wants to alienate the girls a little bit more with a discussion of how her feelings were really hurt today. Bekah comes in with the greatest line in Bachelor history:
Lauren and Arie spend some quality time together. She asks him to play 21 questions and learns his favorite color is blue. He also likes his coffee with cream, sugar, and his pinky up. Their conversation earns her the date rose.
Tia and Arie's date is up next. They head out to the Everglades to go gator gazing. They spot one and it reminds Arie that loves can be kinda scary. Their destination is a home built in the middle of the Everglades. ABC evidently had a casting call for the most authentic, backwoods character they could find and the owner of this home fit the bill. He serves them deep fried corn on the cob and frog legs. The couple sits on the porch swing and look into each other's eyes.
Dinner takes place at an "old nautical antique place" (Arie has such a way with words). For this occasion, Tia has chosen a dress that could double as a nightgown. They discuss religion and Arie asks Tia if she could be married to someone that didn't share her faith. She says yes and takes it one step further to drop the first L bomb of the season. Arie giggles and kisses her in response. She earns the date rose and a make out session against an old antique pole as a "live bait" sign twinkles in the background.
At the cocktail party, Krystal announces that though it was a very challenging week for her and Arie's relationship, she has no regrets. Crickets.
Kendall uses her one on one time with Arie to let him know she would totally be down for cannibalism if the situation called for it. Jacqueline isn't like anyone Arie has ever dated. She is super attractive and super smart and has super smooth tongue moves.
Krystal welcomes women to talk with her about their hostile feelings one on one. Kendall takes her up on the invitation, hoping that Krystal will take responsibility for her actions. Unfortunately, that's asking a lot. Bekah sits down in the argument seat to ask her why she's still here. A convenient commercial break leaves us without an answer. Krystal just feels like no one operates at her level and throws invisible glitter in the air to really showcase her frustration.
Arie and Krystal finally have a conversation. Arie admonishes her to be more thoughtful and think through the interactions she has since this last one just put her a couple of steps back in their relationship. Krystal makes excuses, but Arie isn't buying them this time. He reiterates that he needs someone he can count on. She jokes that this is their first fight! With a stone cold poker face, Arie counters that it could be their last.
Unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.
Thankfully, Chris Harrison has recovered from Flu Type A just in time to wear a dapper dotted tie and oversee the roses as Arie makes tough decisions.
Rose Ceremony:
1. Bekah
2. Seinne
3. Kendall
4. Becca
5. Jacqueline
6. Jenna--nervous is one of her top feelings in case you didn't know. Drunk is a close second.
7. Krystal
Maquel, Ashley, and Marikh receive a ride in the SUV of sorrow.
Next week, Paris! And we all pray that Krystal chokes on a baguette.
Chris Harrison must have taken a personal day, because Arie pops into the penthouse without preamble and without Chris announcing how many dates or what kind of dates they will be. How will the women stay organized?! It could be anarchy--which is why I blame Chris for the how the rest of the week went down.
Maquel is back on board, which makes 13 women. The women fill her in on the bullet she dodged last week by missing the group wilderness date.
Arie personally asks Chelsea on the first one on one of the week. She can't wait to show off her non-mom side. The couple boards a yacht for a day of luxury and Chelsea gushes to the camera that she thinks Arie is 100% sexy. I think he's about 3% sexy.. and that's being generous.
Because the binocular trick worked so well in Tahoe, the ABC intern lugs a telescope up to the roof of the W for the women to stumble upon and spy Chelsea and Arie making out on jet skis.
Following their afternoon on the yacht, Chelsea and Arie head to dinner at a car museum. Arie assures Chelsea he doesn't want to waste her time. I squint at the glare Arie's forehead is creating under the shiny lights. Chelsea shares more about her previous relationship. It lasted 7 years, but at the end she was left with her belongings in trash bags and a 6 month old to raise on her own. Tonight it's all turning around, she gets a rose from Arie plus a private concert by an unknown artist. I know we all thought Chelsea was a villain on night 1, but I'm thinking strong contender for hometown dates at the very least.
Ding Dong Date Card: Maquel, Krystal, Bekah M, Becca, Jenna, Seinne, Kendall, Ashley, Marikh, Jacqueline, and Lauren B: There's not a moment to spare.
The gang gathers at a bowling alley, because nothing says love like pitchers of beer and bowling balls licked by Arie himself. They grab a couple of lanes next to the older ladies who just came from their quilting circle. Arie's girls are throwing strikes around like it's my turn at bat in a softball game, which means it's about time for that anarchy I promised you.
Arie announces that the group will be splitting into teams to compete in a bowling competition. The winning team will attend the after party, the losing team heads back to the penthouse. The girls jog into the locker room to change into some truly unflattering bowling uniforms, split into the Pin Ups versus The Spare Roses. Krystal leads her team, TSP, in prayer before throwing out the first bowl.
The game is not at all close and The Spare Roses come away the clear victors. Surprise-Krystal is not a graceful winner. She ostentatiously asks Arie what's on the agenda now that they won.
Arie, looking at the big picture and seeing that 22-year-old Bekah was on the losing team and hoping for some 22-year-old booty tonight, decides that time is crucial and he shouldn't take that away from the Pin Ups. He announces that it will be best for everyone to attend the after party. At his words, Krystal's smile literally melts off of her face.
The girls walk into the W to get changed for the bar and recap that on the bus ride Krystal lost her damn mind. She kept repeating that Arie is a liar, among other disrespectful things. Krystal defends herself by stating that she's looking for a partnership and someone that she trusts. Apparently, Arie changing his mind makes him a liar.
**Sidenote: this is why we need Chris Harrison every week. He keeps the peace and sets boundaries.
Krystal packs all of her stuff and states that she is skipping the after party. The rest of them can deliver her RSVP.
The women look at each other awkwardly and Ashley speaks for the first time all season with "Well, I think we should go."
They arrive downstairs at the W bar, hoping that Krystal's latest tantrum will earn her a ticket to the SUV of sorrow. Jenna throws back a couple of champagne glasses as they wait for Arie. He shows up and questions Krystal's absence and decides he should go check on her. Which is exactly what Krystal hoped would happen in the first place.
Arie enters Krystal's room and finds her in her robe. He asks what's up and she says nothing. She's the kind of girl who will say everything is fine and then stab you in the eyeball in your sleep 3 hours later. Krystal feels disrespected. Arie feels annoyed and says she should stay in her room tonight. Krystal is grounded.
Back at the after group, Arie invites the women to shake it off 1989 style in regards to Krystal. Bekah grabs Arie's hand and dubs the wind Hurricane Krystal. They make out on a couch by the pool. Arie loves her spirit and energy. He still hates her age.
Arie takes Becca to his room for some alone time. I think this is very telling and exactly why I picked her to receive his final rose. He is real with her. They kiss the hell out of each other.
Back in the penthouse, Krystal decides she's tired of being grounded. She dolls up and heads down to the bar to resolve things with Arie. But first, she wants to alienate the girls a little bit more with a discussion of how her feelings were really hurt today. Bekah comes in with the greatest line in Bachelor history:
Krystal, you said you weren't coming tonight. But now you are here. So does that make you a liar too? Is Arie still a liar or is it okay that he changed his mind?
Krystal feels attacked and flees for the safety of her robe.
Lauren and Arie spend some quality time together. She asks him to play 21 questions and learns his favorite color is blue. He also likes his coffee with cream, sugar, and his pinky up. Their conversation earns her the date rose.
Tia and Arie's date is up next. They head out to the Everglades to go gator gazing. They spot one and it reminds Arie that loves can be kinda scary. Their destination is a home built in the middle of the Everglades. ABC evidently had a casting call for the most authentic, backwoods character they could find and the owner of this home fit the bill. He serves them deep fried corn on the cob and frog legs. The couple sits on the porch swing and look into each other's eyes.
Dinner takes place at an "old nautical antique place" (Arie has such a way with words). For this occasion, Tia has chosen a dress that could double as a nightgown. They discuss religion and Arie asks Tia if she could be married to someone that didn't share her faith. She says yes and takes it one step further to drop the first L bomb of the season. Arie giggles and kisses her in response. She earns the date rose and a make out session against an old antique pole as a "live bait" sign twinkles in the background.
At the cocktail party, Krystal announces that though it was a very challenging week for her and Arie's relationship, she has no regrets. Crickets.
Kendall uses her one on one time with Arie to let him know she would totally be down for cannibalism if the situation called for it. Jacqueline isn't like anyone Arie has ever dated. She is super attractive and super smart and has super smooth tongue moves.
Krystal welcomes women to talk with her about their hostile feelings one on one. Kendall takes her up on the invitation, hoping that Krystal will take responsibility for her actions. Unfortunately, that's asking a lot. Bekah sits down in the argument seat to ask her why she's still here. A convenient commercial break leaves us without an answer. Krystal just feels like no one operates at her level and throws invisible glitter in the air to really showcase her frustration.
Arie and Krystal finally have a conversation. Arie admonishes her to be more thoughtful and think through the interactions she has since this last one just put her a couple of steps back in their relationship. Krystal makes excuses, but Arie isn't buying them this time. He reiterates that he needs someone he can count on. She jokes that this is their first fight! With a stone cold poker face, Arie counters that it could be their last.
Unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.
Thankfully, Chris Harrison has recovered from Flu Type A just in time to wear a dapper dotted tie and oversee the roses as Arie makes tough decisions.
Rose Ceremony:
1. Bekah
2. Seinne
3. Kendall
4. Becca
5. Jacqueline
6. Jenna--nervous is one of her top feelings in case you didn't know. Drunk is a close second.
7. Krystal
Maquel, Ashley, and Marikh receive a ride in the SUV of sorrow.
Next week, Paris! And we all pray that Krystal chokes on a baguette.
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