Talk Tinder To Me

There's been an app floating around for probably a year or two now called Tinder. If you aren't familiar, I'll try to explain the basis for how it works. All users sign up through their Facebook account and the app reveals several profile pictures, the first name and age of the user, and their interests. Everything you've liked since you first signed up for Facebook in 2008 will appear on Tinder, including "Eating" and "Mama Mia." I do thoroughly enjoy both things, but I usually don't let strangers know right off the bat. On Tinder, I didn't have a choice.

The language of my phone is currently in Portuguese, so I was even more at a disadvantage with how to navigate this new app. I eventually figured out how to set my preferences, and opted for people within 10 miles of me of the ages 21 to 25. If they couldn't buy me a drink they were automatically out of the running. 

I added two more pictures to my profile, each user is allowed six, and wrote a few sentences in my "about Taylor" section.

"Self proclaimed Tinder cynic. This seemed like a good idea after two drinks. Now I'm not so sure." 

After my preferences and profile were set, I could start swiping right or left. Profiles appear on the main page of Tinder with the option to either swipe right or left to indicate my interest. If I swiped right, I was interested enough to possibly match, but if I swiped left I would never see their profile again. If the other person swiped right on me as well, then we could talk in the messages section of Tinder. Sometimes they would have already swiped right on me and when I did the same, Tinder would exclaim "it's a match!" Essentially, before a guy could approach me, I had to have swiped right on him also. 

It's a fairly shallow system, based completely on first appearances. It's impossible to fit your personality in the "about me" section of the profile and the guys who even attempted it looked to be trying far too hard.
I was incredibly picky in my swiping rights, sending guys who featured selfies, obnoxiously large group photos, and gaggles of girls over to the left.

But first, I'm sure several of you are clamoring to know why I was even on the app in the first place. I've been severely critical of it in the past, but after a few four dollar frozens on Thursday night and some encouragement from Samm, I decided to chance it. I went in with zero expectations. In fact, I expected all of the dudes to be sleazy and strange. The entertainment factor was the biggest draw, and as the matches began and the weirdness started, I resolved to stay for a week, screenshot all of the craziness, and then write about it. I also reached out to friends who I knew were on Tinder at one time or another to get their opinions and screenshots. 

And to protect the guys, because they had no idea of the screenshots I was taking and I do kinda have a conscience, all names and pictures have been removed.
I'm old-fashioned when it comes to approaching strange guys on the Internet, so I only initiated one conversation. This particular gentleman's profile mentioned he was from the UK so my Dundee-lovin' self immediately messaged him, apologizing for my forwardness and inquiring as to where he was from exactly. I was increasingly disappointed as he revealed his English roots and completely butchered the spelling of "Edinburgh."

#byefelicia

Throughout my short lived (thankfully) journey on Tinder, I found there are at least five different type of guy that girls discover through indiscriminate swiping. **Note** I cannot speak for a guy's experience on Tinder though I would love to hear feedback!

1. The Guy Who Doesn't Online Date But Yet is Still on Tinder 

He never made good on the coffee thing. 

2. The Guy who Overuses Emojis or Pet Names and Sometimes Both

3. The Guy with an Animal as His Only Photo

*swipes left*

4. The Guy Who Uses Humor in his Favor

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. Like swipe right on Tinder"-Marilyn Monroe

5. And Finally, the Guy Who Thinks He has Lines, But Really You're Just Thinking WTF

I did run into some fairly decent guys during my experiment, probably using the app as pure entertainment, just like me. There was even one guy who boldly called me out on my presence:

Kudos to him for making me confess the truth. 

It hasn't even been a week yet and I'm already 1000% done with the whole thing. I don't like judging people purely on their appearance and I don't like being approached lewdly. Sure, it's not an all-bad app, but in my experience the good didn't outweigh the bad. Plus, I just got the reading lists for my six English classes in the fall and, unless it's a male character in a book, I will have zero time for boys. 

Thanks for the laughs Tinder, but three days was plenty for A Very Lucky Girl.