The Beccachelorette Week 4: Everybody Hates Jordan
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Jordan sips his champagne while waiting for his turn with Becca. He thinks his outfit choice of no tie and top two buttons undone shows Becca that he is wild and up for anything. Becca, clued into his wild and up-for-anything vibe, gifts him her extra pair of sheeny gold shortie shorts (she wore the silver ones on the dodgeball date, remember?).
David grabs an Uber back from the hospital to show off his newly rearranged face. Determined to snag a pity rose, he shoos away the intern who offers him a pair of scissors for his hospital bracelet. Becca, falling for the pity rose ploy, says she knows David has been through a lot and wants to him to rest up rather than standing through a rose ceremony. She offers him a rose and instructs him to go to bed. In a bottom bunk.
Harrison, fresh from David's Uber pool, saunters in to announce the Rose Ceremony. Jordan, frustrated by David's pity rose, monologues that nobody puts him in a corner because he's Captain Underpants. Jordan's not worried about his rose chances though. If he can beat out other male models for modeling jobs, then he can beat these yahoos.
Rose Ceremony:
Jason
Wills
Nick
Christon
Lincoln
Blake
Garrett
Leo
John
Connor
Jordan
Jean-Blanc
Ryan and Mikey are doneskis and I'm not surprised.
Becca announces that they are starting their traveling adventure in Park City, Utah. She is thrilled to get some fresh air and goes so far as to stand in the snowflakes on her balcony. She has a one on one planned with Garrett today and hikes off to steal her man.
The couple takes over an alpaca shop where they model hats and other winter wear. They take shots of juice at the local granola joint and stroll the streets aimlessly. Becca's tummy is swarmed with butterflies or the weird pepper lemon juice shot she took. Garrett reminds her of home and she is certain her late father would approve. She loves that he can maintain eye contact (what has our world come to that this is a monumental trait?), that his smile takes up most of his face, and the energy he brings to an event.
After they've meandered down every Park City street twice, they head to the Olympic Park and board a ski lift. Next on this hodge podge of a date agenda: bobsledding. ABC went back four Winter Olympic seasons to dig up Valerie and Shawna, who won silver in 2006. At the instruction of a producer, Becca compares bobsledding to the Bachelorette because #cliche.
Post bobsledding, Garrett has bypassed cloud 9 and landed on cloud 10. The Big Moose Yacht club is the dinner headliner where Garrett drops the bomb that he's been married previously. He dated his ex for a year and a half, they were engaged for a year, and divorced after 2 months of marriage. Becca has some obvious questions. Garrett chalks it up to the "wrong person" cause. Becca wants to be his right person and offers him a rose. They get their steps in along the sidewalks in Park City one more time, before being featured dancers at the local Granger Smith concert.
Back at Camp Douche, Lincoln adamantly argues that the earth is flat. Actually, he thinks it could be rectangular. He welcomes any astrophysicist to invite him to share a hot chocolate and debate this point. Leo questions Lincoln's sanity.
John and Jean-Blanc have a cozy chat about Becca. Jean-Blanc is certain he'll get a one on one date this week. John is equally sure. Chances are, if ABC is filming your date conversation, you probably aren't getting one.
Ding Dong Date Card: "Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Conner, Christon, Jason, Colton, Jean-Blanc--something about axes"
Wills celebrates the absence of his name--he's getting the last one on one!
This is Becca's largest group date yet, with 13 attendees. The group arrives at Becca's Big Lumberjack Bash and don matching plaid flannels and suspenders. They warm up with some logsplitting, where JB and Lincoln make the largest fools. Lincoln misses the log entirely.
The group divides into two teams once again and will compete in five different events in order to win an oversized trophy. Blue team kicks off in the lead, but it comes down to a close finish with John and Blake climbing poles. Surprisingly, Venmo John takes it home for blue.
The after party is in full swing at High West Distillery and Becca is rocking another red number with a slit that won't quit. She and Jason have a moment to talk. Jason has come into this with confidence, but is more nervous now. Likely due to Becca forgetting his name last week. She repents by making out with him on the couch. Colton admits that he's been in love once, but that being with Becca is natural and easy. They make out. I rewind and watch it again. Jordan has his gold shortie shorts on under his evening wear. He strips down, for the SECOND time in one season, and dances for Becca. Chris and Colton are unimpressed with the clown antics and confront Jordan to make sure he knows that they harbor zero respect for him. Colton and his jawline are very angry.
Jean-Blanc, our resident colognisseur, gifts Becca with a fragrance, named Miss Becca Blanc. Becca's body language noticeably changes. He's coming on strong. Unfortunately, JB isn't fluent in social cues. He goes on to say that he wants to reaffirm how he is feeling with her and admits that he is falling in love with her. My jaw drops. This guy's sniffed one too many bottles of cologne. Becca agrees and notes that she's not sure she's on the same page. JB, realizing his mistake, asks if he can take a step back. Nah. Becca walks him to the door where JB, still in survival mode, babbles that he was just saying what he thought she wanted to hear. JB climbs into the SUV of shame and ABC doesn't even bother to show a backseat sob shot. Instead, they feature Becca shivering in the 30 degree evening in her red dress before heading indoors to confront the rest of the group. She announces that JB is going home and that she expects honesty only moving forward. She chooses to skip a date rose and end the evening.
The following morning, Wills is feeling slightly gypped that JB left a cloud over his date. He is determined to protect and support her today, despite the increased pressure. Becca trudges through the snow to meet her date. She wants to focus on having fun and they take snowmobiles up a mountain to a quaint picnic. The intern hiked up at 8 AM to start the fire and chill a bottle of champagne in the snow. They enjoy the panoramic view and snuggle before ending the afternoon with a snowball fight.
Becca and Wills learn more about the similarities in their respective past relationships. They were both blindsided and are guarded as a result. Wills is certain he'd be able to propose at the end of this though. Wills gets a rose and a steamy snog against a wall.
Back at Camp Douche, the men discuss their game plans for the cocktail party. Harrison interrupts to announce that Becca has made her decisions and the open bar will be closed this evening.
Rose Ceremony:
Leo
Colton
Blake
Jason
Connor
Lincoln
John
Chris
David
Jordan
As Jordan's name is called, there is a collective cringe from the group. Nick and Christon are on their way out. Jordan is determined to make a "deep move" this week and become "Captain Just Took Everyone's Girl" because last place isn't acceptable for our resident model.
Luckily for Jordan, he'll be in good company because the group is en route to the city where nothing is off the table. A producer found a limited-time Groupon--Viva Las Vegas!
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