A Very Lucky Girl

One minute into the mere teasers of tonight's episode and I already saw 7 more tongues than I ever wanted to witness in my life. The twins start off the show with a bang, crying over name-calling. The fight is appropriate considering their matching dresses. They should have stopped dressing like each other in second grade. Your mom is no longer picking out your clothes; show your own mind.  Chris Harrison announces that both a guy and a girl will win a rose in the following challenge. They watch a rhythmic gymnastics demonstration and Tony remarks that he would rather do a hammer toss. Shoulda stuck around for the Highland Games on Emily's season. Erica is shaking in her glitteratti tiara, "I'm not good at...performing." Well DON'T ADMIT THAT TO AMERICA, ERICA! Gosh. Ever heard of a little mystery? #mindinthegutter The group is split into guys versus girls and are given two hours to become star ballerinas, taught by rhythmic gymnasts that are barking order...

This was a glorious week filled with half days. I arrived after they had finished soccer camp around noon, Monday through Wednesday, and got to leave at 5 or 5:30 every afternoon. No complaints here...except for that one time she was late when Tyler was waiting for me at home. So inconsiderate! So...to the highlights! After ferrying them around all week the gas in my tank was a little low so we drove through a 7/11. I used a credit card to pay (a concept they have yet to grasp, I believe) which caused Brother to pipe up as I drove off with a full gas tank, "um Taylor, did we pay for the gas?" No, dearest, we are gas bandits! They were all out of the lunch staples of life at home (Kraft Mac&Cheese and hot dogs) so I had to get creative. I served tacos in the shape of a dragonfly/butterfly, using fruit for the eyes and tail, on Monday and whipped up a batch of homemade macaroni and cheese on Tuesday. The tacos went well..I suppose. Although, they asked why they were sha...

I hate the dentist. Came back from that hell hole a week ago...definitely worse for wear. I walked in with a relatively decent smile and the ability to swallow. Walked out with a crooked smile (if you could call it that) due to several numbing shots and excess saliva. COOL. Oh-I also did this awesome thing: when I tried to drink water I ended up choking and drooling. #ThisIsWhyI'mHot I hate the dentist. But I love my technician or whatever you call them. She is really sweet and always genuinely sounds like she regrets having to mutilate my mouth. But yet she was also the one wielding the needle that inflicted several shots of pain. She asked me questions, which are hard enough to answer with hands in your mouth, but the mumbling increased when I couldn't feel my lips (side note: I almost asked if the numbness would be gone by the time I saw Tyler next because that's of crucial importance).  I came home and laughed at my reflection in the mirror, doubling over with giggl...

totally believable His midlife crisis hairstyle Paul and Shari went to Vegas from Sunday until Wednesday to celebrate 24 years of marriage. Those crazy kids. Show of hands for how rude it was for them to not invite me? It's unanimous? Yeah, my thoughts exactly. But as Oakes was gallivanting off at Kamp Kanukuk I was the designated dog care-giver. YippeKiYay! But I got the extra perk of having the house to myself for 4 days. And what did I do with that time? Throw wild parties every single night and then scurry to scrub down the puke stains on Wednesday? Nope! I did laundry, dishes, and was in bed by midnight almost every night. Where has my youth gone?!? Did I wedge a chair in front of the doorknob of my room to ward off any intruders? Yep. Am I ashamed? Not a bit. I'm 20, not superwoman. Beignet and I fended off loneliness with visits from both Tyler and Megan, respectively. Have I mentioned that I have some pretty cool people in my life? But no one can measure up to the ...

Those of you who have been keeping up with Emily Maynard's season of "The Bachelorette" know who Ryan Bowers is. He made an impression on me in the worst way during his television debut, coming across as an arrogant a**hole. I don't know the man in real life so I cannot judge his character based entirely on the ABC edit, but I can judge him based on what he tweets. And I do.  He is known for his open desire to obtain a "trophy wife" and he frequently crowds my twitter feed with comments defending that statement. He needs a better defense.  Let's break down this phrase. "Trophy" connotes images of a shiny statue, something to display proudly in your home for an accomplishment. A trophy is a source of pride in your own abilities and a constant ego boost. You don't take a trophy out to dinner. You don't pledge to spend the rest of your life with a pedestal of wood and gold-plated figurine. "Wife" is someone to love. Someone t...

Chris Harrison introduces the show, promoting the competition for money and suggesting that participants "may even hook up and fall in love." Because falling in love is a direct result of hooking up...has anyone found this to be true? Please share if so. We get a close view of some the contestants. Chris from Emily's season mopes on a leather couch about his pathetic love life and ABC finds it necessary to get several shots of that. Horseless Lindzi recognizes that she lost to Courtney on Ben's season, but admits that she has gained the bonus of not trusting anyone. ABC therapists have their work cut out for them. Reid is from Jillian's season. I don't know who he is but he's adorable. Ed is from Jillian's season, her ex-fiance to be exact. He confesses to cheating scandals that ended their year-long engagement, but blames his infidelity on his hesitance to commit. I wonder what to blame his white pants on.We all fondly remember Blakely as the ...

The Emily/Ricki duo and her suitors are still in Curacao soaking up the sun rays but sticking to their spray tans. Jef monologues on his way to meet the Maynard family, adamant that he loves Emily more than any other girl in his life. But not any other guy? One F, your red flag is showing. He hands bouquets of expensive flowers to Emily's female family members, which I originally thought was courtesy of ABC's checkbook, but Arie's empty hands proved otherwise. Jef converses with the Maynard men about what it would mean to be a husband to Emily and dad to "little Ricki." seriously, her name is always a phrase. I can't help but think hip hop/rap artist. Brother Ernie (too eerily close to Arie) stares down One F, but Jef doesn't waver in his declarations.  Arie arrives to meet the family Maynard in a shirt that resembles part of a long johns set and bearing no gifts, upon first look. BUT WAIT, he has a wooden box. Filled with old roses he's won from the...