H&M Doesn't Know Best

Paul and Shari (my parents) are currently spending the week in Seattle, coffee capital of America. Which is especially fitting because Paul has managed to make Starbucks a food group. I place all blame on him for my addiction to Java Chip Frappuccinos. 


While they are making good choices culinary-wise, Paul needs a personal shopping companion (Shari isn't cutting it) so that he never pays money for a look like this again. 

I tried to stop him. Really, I did. But there is only so much I can do from Norman while they are out gallivanting across the country. Shari informed me of his impending travesty and my fingers immediately typed out, "stop him." Isn't that the reflex you had whilst looking upon this photo and trying to pause the gag reflex? It's universal.

Fearing that Shari wouldn't pass on my message, I took matters into my own hands and texted him, advising him to think very carefully about his wardrobe choices. His response? Take a look. (For the non-iPhone savvy, I'm highlighted in blue).

Even thoughtful words of advice from his darling daughter couldn't deter his wayward fashion sense and Shari told me today that he was wearing them on the public transportation system in Seattle. Naturally, I gave an anguished cry of "Why!" and I heard him on the tinny background of the phone, "Why not?"

Why not, Dad? I told him I could write a blog post about all the reasons why he shouldn't wear those pants ever. (Except when dressing like a pumpkin.)

5. He looks like a recently escaped convict shoplifting the shirt and sweater set. He could have stolen the pants and gotten similar ones for free. 2 for 1! What a deal!

4. He looks like a highlighter that lost its lid and dried up. 

3. His daughter goes to the University of Oklahoma. She is now a social outcast because a family member publicly encouraged that vomit-inducing color.

2. His daughter will not be seen with him adorned in clothes of that nature. Too much competition for attention.

1. They ooze metrosexual. 

Looks like I'm going to have to introduce him to some episodes of What Not to Wear. I'm certain that Stacey and Clinton would not approve. And as long as he wears those in public I'm not A Very Lucky Girl.