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JoJo's Poor Life Decisions: Bachelorette Final Recap

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We made it to the final episode! JoJo, Robby, and Jordan are all in Thailand and JoJo is faced with the decision: which former athlete does she want to spend the rest of her life with? She calls in family reinforcements to ignore their advice  help make her decision.  I'm looking forward to what the brothers have to say, since they were oh so welcoming during Ben's hometown last season. Mama's face had some work done. Sister's face needs some of Mama's work.  Jordan is up first to meet the fam and you'd think he'd shave for the occasion, or at least clean up the scruff. Instead, he is rocking a strange looking V on his chin.  Mama takes Jordan aside and wants his word that he will never break her daughter's heart. He promises and I roll my eyes. When JoJo asks for mama's opinion, Mama offers that they are too much alike and trust issues would come into play. Her key argument? Of course I like Jordan, who doesn't like Jordan?  My hand flew up

Battle of Former Athletes: Bachelorette Recaps 7-9

Recap Episode 7: If you remember, in episode 6, JoJo was allowed an extra rose to save her from deliberation between James T and Alex. In episode 7, James T and Alex go home. JoJo could have saved us all two hours of our life if she had made that decision in episode 6. All of America saw it coming: recap complete.  Recap Episode 8: Hometowns! Chase is up first. They sit on a mountain in Colorado and discuss his broken and imperfect family. He is a child of divorce, and thus it is difficult for him to throw the L word around like some former athletes on this show. He takes her to his cute little home and ding dong Dad arrives. Dad is adorable and tries to explain Chase's walls to JoJo. Chase tells Dad that he is ready to put his heart on the line. Next on the agenda-dinner at Mom's. Mom takes some time with JoJo to discuss how Chase is crazy about her and how it is far easier for him to express his love through actions rather than words. JoJo is still dying to hear the L

Emergency Roses: Bachelorette Recap Episode Six

The group heads to Buenos Aires, Argentina and check into their respective hotels. JoJo sits on a park bench with Chris Harrison to discuss life, love, and other mysteries. "What if I fall in love with two people just like Ben?!" JoJo muses. Then all of America will hate you too. They talk about how this will be a turning point week.  Chris lines out the week to the group of dudes. There will be three dates: group date, one on one date, and ANOTHER two on one date. JoJo is clearly determined to make Bachelorette history.  Ding dong date card: Wells, besame besame muchacho. (for everyone else who took french in high school, besame means "kiss me" in spanish). JoJo is tired of waiting.  Wells reveals to the guys that he is fairly sure he is the only guy who hasn't kissed her yet. Everyone looks around in dismay.  JoJo walks in to take him on their date and chats with the group for a bit. Luke blurts out, "are you guys gonna kiss today?" The awkwardne

This is the Last Time I Want to Write about Anyone Named Chad: Bachelorette Recap Episode 5

Episode 5 opens with a short synopsis of the previous episode so that we can all reminisce on JoJo telling Chad "I don't think anyone deserves someone like you." #sweetmemories. When Chad's luggage disappears from the mansion, the rest of the guys break into cheers and start popping champagne. James T break out into song and the guys take the rest of Chad's protein powder and scatter it likes ashes. Chad, likely sensing the misuse of said protein powder, hikes through the woods and knocks on the door. Forget your toothbrush, Chad?  As Chad stands awkwardly in the entryway, Daniel stands off to the side and eats his EasyMac while Jordan makes one last attempt to clear the air and get an apology from Chad. No such luck. Evan asks for money for his ripped t-shirt (that probably didn't cost more than $10 from Target), but the luxury real estate market in Tulsa must not be too hot because Chad refuses.  Ultimately, Chad leaves for good and the guys resume th

The Parade of Losers: Bachelorette Recap Week Three Acts I & II

First, my apologies on the late post. It's been a week, to say the least. I've begun to wonder if this show is really about JoJo finding love or if it's a cover for Chad to get beefed up for UFC fighting. I'll bet big bucks that he's on Bachelor in Paradise unless ABC insurance ramps up after the threats of violence this season. Week three opens with the spotlight on Chad's leftovers hanging around the house. All of the guys bemoan the fact that Chad didn't get booted. Chad and Daniel discuss getting their work out in. "Eh, back and abs today? Let's do some babs." #twerkout. As Chad measures out his protein powder he muses "so 240 plus 280..that's 550." I feel like a luxury real estate agent should have better math skills. You wouldn't want to lose track of the zeros on the end of a listing price. Chris Harrison walks in. There will be three dates this week: two one on ones and a group date. Date Card: Chase, let's get

i'm just here for the free food: Bachelorette Recap Week Two

I have a lot of questions. First, how is it week 2 already? Second, how is it June? Before we know it we are going to be watching Bachelor in Paradise and I'd bet my dog that Chad will be there unless anyone takes out a restraining order on him first. But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Episode two opens with JoJo gazing out at the scenery on her balcony comparing this to a fairytale, except that she has 20 Prince Charmings to choose from.  The dudes hang out in the living room after brunch and toast mimosas. Chad chants: "to a beautiful girl, a beautiful life, f*** you guys, I'm going to make her my wife." Update: Chad is still an ass.  The first date card arrives! Evan scoops it up and reads, "Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James F, Wells, Robby: let's heat things up." A flaming limo arrives in the driveway and starts exploding from the heat. I am genuinely concerned that somebody is going to have to be a hero if JoJo is in that lim

Everyone is Hammered: Bachelorette Recap Week 1

***taps mic repeatedly*** Is this thing on? I'm going to be honest. It took me about 3 tries to log into this account considering I haven't been on since March 1, 2015. And I'm here for one reason and one reason only (for now). JoJo's season of the bachelorette is going to be worth blogging.  I was not impressed by the head shots that ABC provided prior to the season, but 20 minutes into watching the first episode on Tuesday evening on Hulu (which will be my typical viewing night because the Arceneaux-Powell household doesn't get ABC), I texted my friend Carra. She is probably the biggest fan of my previous Bachelor/ette recaps and I need to test the reading waters. Once I discovered I'd have at least two readers (her and her mom), I was in.  First, some ground rules.  As previously mentioned, I don't get to watch the Monday episodes so I'll be catching up on Tuesday evenings and hope to be posting a recap on Wednesday. Thursday at the latest.  I