Sunday, June 2, 2013

A Very Broken Girl: Week Eight

I don't know that I'm necessarily easily angered, but I am easily irritated. I struggle most with holding grudges. You know how I can tell when I haven't forgiven someone completely in a Godly manner? I remain distant and standoffish. God doesn't do that when He forgives me wholly always. Clearly, I'm not God-like. I'm angry with several people at this time. I'm angry with my family for changing. I'm angry with God for allowing so much bad to happen. I'm angry at myself for not praying as much as I ought.
But what difference does prayer make, honestly? God supposedly knows what I want before I even know or ask for it myself, but He hasn't come through even when I have asked. Where was He when I moved high schools 3 times? Where was He during lonely senior year? Where was He when I left TCU? Where was He when I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease? Where was He when I missed old friends? Where was He when the tornado hit Moore? Where is He now when I hurt everyday?
I'm not sure how to love a God like that. 
I'm not sure how not to be angry with people who continue to hurt me and other people. I'm tired of fighting for my family when no one else is interested in saving it. 
A Very Lucky Girl has zero answers. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad to have discovered this blog. I'm glad to have stumbled upon this post. I can definitely relate to many of these questions you have asked here. And sadly, I don't think there are any answers. Or at least easy ones.

    But you know what I'll take courage in? A gal who strives to be Clearly Alive has stumbled upon a blog of a Very Lucky Girl. So even when we feel completely alone in our struggles, we can chuckle as we realize that... we aren't :)

    PS- That video you posted of Des rapping on another post was hilarious.

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