Bachelorette Recap Week Five: London

I'm relying on my memory of this episode because I just do not have time to rewatch and take notes. Especially if I want this recap debuting before next Monday night. 

Ricki is going to be one of the most well-traveled six year olds in Charlotte, NC by the time this show is over. From Bermuda, she and mom jet off to London (probably in a helicopter). Sean receives date card number one and wanders around London with Emily. They are obnoxious tourists, probably even more so with the camera crew following every move, and likely ended up alienating any pro-American sentiment with Sean's impromptu speech on Speaker's Corner. He rambles on for several agonizing minutes about love, which translated to a giant ticking biological clock in Emily's mind for she immediately brings up her love of brats at the dinner table. C'mon Emily, let's be a lady and save that talk for never? You've made your point. Your uterus is apparently starving. 

The group date mercifully saved us from anymore Too Perfect Sean and directed us straight towards "Dumpsville: population, Kalon" (Ben Flajnik season reference anyone?). I don't remember much about the group date except for Ryan being beside himself because of his extra romantic stage kiss with blondie, Kalon generally being an ass (typical), and Travis (now eggless) trying to recite Shakespeare sprinkled with "y'all". Doug tattles on Kalon referring to Ricki as baggage and Emily tells Kalon, in not so many words, to "get the f*@% out." Oh wait no, she actually DOES use those very words. So much for true Southern class. False advertising, ABC. In all seriousness, I was very confused with her reaction to the remaining gentleman after Kalon's departure. She seemed furious at them for not telling her about Kalon's words...but they did tell in my opinion she may have overreacted just a tad in that regard. She had every right to go "backwoods West Virginia hood rat on his ass" (also her words), but she could have put the hood rat away following Kalon's exit. 

One f Jef gets the final one on one date for the week. They go to the cheesiest tea party of all time, ditch, and find themselves at a local pub. When all other plans fall through, grab a pint (London's motto). Their chit chat revolves around the drama involving Kalon and Jef raises even more questions about his sexuality when he defends Ricki saying, "if she is baggage, then she's a vintage Chloe handbag." Uhhh I don't even know what that is. Emily dreams aloud about what her life at home with a husband would be like and Jef volunteers that he would be happy to dance around the room with Ricki.  This is where Tyler interjected, "Okay creep, quit talking about dancing with her six year old..." I couldn't agree more. Nevertheless, Jef leaves the date with a rose and a kiss, but without the backdrop of fireworks that I was expecting. The lack of romantic theatrics is incredibly disappointing this season. Or maybe that kiss just wasn't worthy of fireworks....

Emily harshly grills everyone at the rose ceremony in light of the Kalon trauma (overreaction is continuing we see) and, according to Tyler and I's calculations, she has kissed at least 4 out of the 8 remaining guys ("'round, 'round, get around, I get around..." Oh sorry, been on a Beach Boys kick lately). Alejandro dejectedly leaves in a limo, effectively terminating any future Lady Gaga jokes. My recommendations for the improvement of his love life is to lose the earrings and maybe not be a mushroom farmer anymore? Just a suggestion. 

Emily's impending trainwreck is down to eight passengers. I can't wait to see who will go crying home next. I might be a heartless Very Lucky Girl.


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