Friday, June 8, 2012

Adventures in Nannying: Part Two

These kids are so out of my league. I had enough material for an entire post just after Monday of this week. But I saved everything up for a mega post. And I plan to make it a weekly thing.


This was the week of the soccer mom. I literally took Brother to soccer practice every morning and watched him from the bleachers with Sister. It is unreal how much more cautious you become with other children in the car. I asked my mom if she still feels like that when me and Oakes are in the car. She said no. I guess Oakes and I's value decreased as we got older... I kept both hands at ten and two. The radio at an acceptable decibel. And constantly checked all the mirrors.


Monday.
The kids greeted me with a "we missed you over the weekend!" when I arrived on Monday morning. It was adorable. But their constant chatter was not. I brought Advil for the rest of the week.
We had our first casualty. It was my own. It's all fun and games until an 8 year old crash lands on your foot. Slapped a homemade ice pack on that sucker and it was good to go in a little bit. It's definitely still a little bruised though.
We worked on a 300 piece puzzle from hell (which we discovered on Thursday was really only a 299 piece puzzle from hell. We have a runaway); they tried to teach me how to play Chess, and they partook in an "am not"/"are too" saga as to who was sitting on whom. I also was treated to the first movie of the Harry Potter series. They created a Wii character for me. I'm not sure whether to be offended or not...I think she resembles a bald whore. 


Tuesday.
I relied on Pinterest to provide boredom busting activities. I armed Brother and Sister with squirt guns filled with dyed water and they had free reign over blank paper on the fence in the backyard. The color fest inevitably found its way onto bodies, so we took the party to the pool. I informed them of a secret project that we will be working on all summer for their parents. I plan to take pictures of everything that we do and, with their messy creative help, put together a scrapbook. They were eager to demonstrate their secret keeping abilities and assured me that they had only given out one hint: camera. Well, that's a thinker, guys. During the drive to and from soccer practice I was regaled with knock knock jokes. 
Knock, knock
who's there?
who
who who?
are you an owl?!? *uncontrollable giggling from the backseat and simultaneous eye rolling from the driver's seat*
Sister accessorized me
Sister cajoled me into playing soccer with her while Brother was at practice and so we had a penalty kick contest. She won. I have yet to win anything against these wonder children. It's not fair. But as I sat around with the other real soccer moms I got to listen to her conversation with another little girl. They discussed everything from what they will name their future kids (I'm 19 and STILL don't even know that...clearly I'm behind) and then moved on to lamenting how far away 10 AM was from lunchtime. Sister's friend declared it the worst hour of the day because of it's distance from the next mealtime. On the heels of that statement, friend turned to her mother and requested a sister. I couldn't stop the uncontrollable laughter. We ended the afternoon with a three hour game of Monopoly City. I didn't win. 


Wednesday.
watercolors
AKA longest day of my life. 8 AM is too early for an impromptu concert. I was serenaded not only by a violin, but also by a hot pink recorder that only knew "Hot Cross Buns." Rain dampened any plans of going outside so Sister and I spent a quiet hour painting. I may or may not still have the remains of supposed "washable" paint on my hands (it's now Thursday night). To make up for our lack of outside activity we played Wii fit. Sister took a body test...and it told her she was overweight. I was appalled. Sister is 8. Overweight should not be in her vocabulary. She could stand to cut back to one piece of chocolate a day instead of devouring seven before 11 AM, but that shouldn't be anything that she worries about. I hate that she is receiving a negative body image message before she even enters middle school. The great thing about kids? They think you are a stand-up comic. 
*during a hide and seek game*
"do you recognize this song?" "no..."
Where were you hiding?!
I was in your closet hanging out with your laundry.
*every child bursts out laughing and proceeds to repeat statement until it's no longer even smile worthy*
We played a competitive game of Clue with the neighbor boy, which both Brother and Sister cheated at. I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, came back and all of my Clue cards were in their hands. They swore they didn't cheat....Riiiiiiight.
It didn't end up mattering. When I did think I had the correct accusation I discovered that they had set up the game completely wrong. Instead of the usual "it was so-and-so with the such-and-such in the here-and-there" I was treated to an answer of "it was so-and-so in the here-and-there AND the here-and -there with nothing." Uhhh. "Let's just say I win?"


Thursday.

Chihuly exhibit
Last day of soccer camp! Sister and I curled up with books in the car while Brother ran around in the rain at practice. We then trooped downtown to the art museum, where I was hoping to kill at least 2 hours. We maybe lingered for 22 minutes. They really should make art museums bigger. Not wanting to head back to the dreary house I took them to Fuzzy's Taco Shop (forever changing their lives, of course) and dragged them along the Riverwalk to marvel at the mallards. We finally trudged back into the house, treating ourselves to some Wii time after our active morning. I won $93,000, a taxi cab, a sports car, and a trip to Alaska on Wheel of Fortune. Thanks Pat! We capped off the afternoon with a dip in the pool. Ever played Barnacle? Don't. It involves children wrapping themselves about your limbs and expecting you to wriggle and fight to get out of it. It's especially fun when Sister, spiraled around your torso, sneezes into your hair, declaring, "Oh, I feel better now!" Do you? What should I do about the snot in my hair, sweetheart? I've never been so happy to see another adult as when Mother walked onto the pool deck. I was out of that house in under a minute. 


Don't you wish you could be Brother or Sister for a day to spend so much time with A Very Lucky Girl?

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