Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Cast the First Stone

Flipping through my Bible the other night, I came across something I wrote a while ago, actually dated from April 2009. 
I don't care what you think of me
don't care if you can't see the
change I'm trying to be.
But I have to say it'd be 
nice if you thought of me.
If you'd cease to be 
someone that I can't wait to 
leave.
Change is difficult, surrounding
or within
though you may not know 
that because here you've
always been.
But maybe, just maybe, you
should think of others once.
Give out perhaps an
ounce of trust.
But on the other hand who
needs you, unless you change
too.
Lots of emotion packed into those lines. Let me fill in some background. The year 2008-2009 was rough for me, though that doesn't excuse any of my poor decisions. Paul announced in August 2008 that we would inevitably be moving away from Beaumont the following summer, just prior to my senior year of high school. I vowed to make my remaining few months in Texas ones that I would remember. But I went about that the wrong way. I dabbled in alcohol and boys, certain that being physically desirable would cement my worth. Beaumont is a small town and there weren't many secrets. I still don't know who blabbed about my scandalous actions to my parents, but "be sure your sins will find you out." Deprived of a car, Internet access, and my cell phone, February/March/April were not my favorite months of 2009. Word of my behavior spread across town and people judged me. Yes, I'd done wrong. But the hardest judgements to take were the ones from my Westgate church family. We were not all shining examples of Christianity, but I was one of the very few that got caught. I scoured the book of John and tossed chapter 8 verse 7 to my haters on Facebook; "If any of one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Not the best method of communication. A Very Lucky Girl is far from perfect, but so are you. Keep your stones at bay. 

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