Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Very Broken Girl: Week Five

I still haven't progressed beyond page 26 in Dr. Townsend's book, but now the entire summer stretches before me so I hope to make some headway in the next few weeks. 
To be honest, I've been dreading week five of my love project.
I hate this mandate. Let me rephrase, I hate hate hate double hate LOATHE ENTIRELY this requirement. 
Love is not Proud.
If you know me at all, I really do tend to give off an "I'm the $#!t" attitude. I know I'm really not. I'm probably, like, third on the totem pole of hot $#!t. Like there's Beyonce, then Cady Groves, and then me and Taylor Swift are tied. 

Don't misunderstand, I'm insecure in a lot of ways. I think most everyone is. But I hate hate hate double hate LOATHE ENTIRELY being wrong. Cannot stand it. But the worst part of being wrong is when everyone knows I'm wrong. Because then my pride is injured. 
You know what would solve this issue?
If I didn't have a pride problem.
It's okay if I don't always have the right answer. It's okay if I need to ask for help. It's okay if life is not always all about me (that last one might be stretching it...).

I honestly just inwardly reprimanded myself. Because week five and the entirety of this project isn't about hiding behind sarcasm. It's about learning that I don't have my life together and it's acceptable to fall apart. As long as I acknowledge that A Very Lucky Girl can't do life by herself.

Pride is an alienator. Setting aside pride requires a level of vulnerability that physically makes my insides twist. When I practice humility I feel like people have more power to hurt me. But I also have more power to build strong relationships. 

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