An Affair of the Hartsock: Episode Six

This, ladies & gentlemen, is the CliffsNotes version of a Bachelorette recap. I watched on Hulu this morning because when the show aired on my 21st birthday I was just taking my first shot of the night. There were several more. Which means I couldn't focus on this trainwreck of a week in Barcelona, Spain
Des is in love with Spain. It is the "perfect place to fall in love." Just like Germany before. And Atlantic City before that.
The guys sit at school desks, toasting to hoodies and free plane rides, while Chris Harrison announces the week plan. There will again be no cocktail party so the men are instructed to use their time wisely with Des. 
Date Card Number One: Drew
His dimples kill me. I could eat icing out of them with a baby spoon. SO PRESH. He starts off the date with their first kiss. Just to get that pesky thing outta the way. Raindrops fall, but never fear, Drew whips out his plaid umbrella to shelter dear Des. They share good conversation and half of a private dinner in a courtyard. Midway through acting like they're eating, Drew grabs Des' hand and runs out. The camera crew struggled to keep up, but found them making out (Arie style) against a Spanish wall. The romanticism is off the charts with cameras in your face for that. Drew gets a rose for his kissing skills and proceeds to drop the bomb about James' appalling conversation last week. Des is furious. I believe her exact words were bleepity bleep. Her precise enunciation left no question as to her exact vocabulary.
 
Group Date Card:Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Michael, James, and Juan Pablo...Loooooooove"
With soccer balls inside of the O's. Spain really is bringing out Des' creative side. Did she get that from Pinterest?
Michael should have been banished for his athletic get up alone. Des shows up in her classic neon, wearing what Brooks describes as work out lingerie. The group goes skipping into the soccer stadium where Juan Pablo feels at home. Des goes against the guys with a professional girls team. Kasey is an absolute pig and laughs at the girls who show up on the field behind Des. LIKE EXCUSE YOU. WOMEN CAN PLAY SOCCER DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL FEMINIST ON YOUR ASS BECAUSE I WILL. 
James is the suckiest goalie I've ever witnessed. He flinched everytime the ball came near. I can relate. The girls won by several goals. It was a victory for females everywhere. 
The guys attend Des' Spanish pad for after game drinks. She and Chris lounge on her bed, exchanging flirty comments and kisses and poetry. TeamChrisNotHarrison4Ever.

Kasey approaches James about the controversial conversation that he and Drew overheard. James denies, denies, denies. His constant yelling only perpetuated my headache so I tuned out. 
Zak's one on one date was probably the most boring Bachelorette date I've ever seen. It almost put me to sleep. For whatever reason, she enjoyed it and he gets a rose. 

Fast forward to the rose ceremony, Juan Pablo, James, and Kasey are asked to Sayonara. 
UM WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENS NEXT WEEK? I SAW LIKE ALL OF THE GUYS LEAVING IN A LIMO. And way too many Des tears. 

PS-Juan Pablo. Never stop crying. You can pull it off. 
Peace out, Bachelor fam. A Very Lucky Girl needs a nap STAT. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Selfies. Selfies EVERYWHERE.

Image
judge away. Circa 11th grade Consider this an intervention. Trust me, I've had my fair share of selfies. But then I graduated high school. high school shopping swag These are some hard and fast rules of those pesky self-absorbed images: 1. Try to have another person in it. I have zero judgement for the visible arm holding out the photography device if there are two faces in the frame. Sometimes you just don't have a third person to take that perfect picture. We forgive you. 2. If a partner is unavailable then at least use a webcam and NOT a mirror. Myspace-esque photography ended at the same time as That's So Raven. And no one cares to see your current brand of toothpaste reclining on your bathroom counter.  3. Keep ALL clothes ON.  I cringe when I see those horrifyingly low slung shorts as people boast in their gym time. I'm proud of the mornings I spend running as well, but I'm not trying to plaster it across Facebook. Save it...
Read more

A Penny for Your Sin

Image
I heard an analogy recently about sin that I wanted to share as a caution against judging others. I searched online for someone who could put it more eloquently than I, but my google search came up empty.  Imagine that every time you did something wrong, a penny was stacked against you. You lied, you cheated, you drank in excess. Those are pennies stacked against you. Then someone you know committed a more "grievous" sin, according to what some in the world may think. They partook in adultery or gave in to a harmful addiction. In our human minds, those sins deserve higher stacks of pennies. But in God's eyes, He looks down and just sees the fact you both have pennies stacked against you. He doesn't see the height of the stack the world sees. He only sees the one coin on top indicating your imperfection and need for redemeption that you share with the person who sinned "more."  Sin is not measured in degrees "None is righteous, no, not one....
Read more

Talk Tinder To Me

Image
There's been an app floating around for probably a year or two now called Tinder. If you aren't familiar, I'll try to explain the basis for how it works. All users sign up through their Facebook account and the app reveals several profile pictures, the first name and age of the user, and their interests. Everything you've liked since you first signed up for Facebook in 2008 will appear on Tinder, including "Eating" and "Mama Mia." I do thoroughly enjoy both things, but I usually don't let strangers know right off the bat. On Tinder, I didn't have a choice. The language of my phone is currently in Portuguese, so I was even more at a disadvantage with how to navigate this new app. I eventually figured out how to set my preferences, and opted for people within 10 miles of me of the ages 21 to 25. If they couldn't buy me a drink they were automatically out of the running.  I added two more pictures to my profile, each user is allowed six,...
Read more