Bachelorette Beast Recap Week Ten: The Suite Life of Alabama Hannah

How suite it is that we’ve made it this far, team. To borrow an overused term from ABC, it’s truly been a journey. Hannah and her four boyfriends arrive in Crete, Greece. They’ve had their STD tests, refreshed Hannah’s birth control supply, and packed their Trojans. It’s time to take these relationships to the next level. 

Pilot Pete is lucky number 1. Before we dive into his date, let’s discuss the bomb that Enews dropped on us yesterday. Precious and innocent Pete had a girlfriend until he dumped her to go on the Bachelorette. In his (slight) defense, Pete dumped her without an explanation once he found out he was cast, however they continued to keep in touch until he left for filming. He also neglected to share why he was breaking up with her, so this poor gal found out about his role on the show with the rest of the nation. Our golden boy’s reputation is tarnished today, but let’s travel back to simpler times in Greece before we knew this terrible truth. 

Hannah really admires that Pilot Pete has his life together and that they’ve steadily progressed in their relationship from the beginning. Today they are sailing the Aegean Sea and Pete is wearing his very best t-shirt and faded jeans for this occasion. Did he forget his swimsuit at home? I’m at a loss as to why Hannah is rocking a bikini under her flowy dress and Pete is wearing a belt. They completely abandon a cheese plate in favor of making out and contemplating the merits of kissing on a plane versus on a boat. Pete really really really likes Hannah, which she appreciates, but she is gunning for a different L word. 

They meet for dinner and cozy up on a loveseat. Pete toasts to fate bringing them together, though it was his intentional application for ABC and subsequent auditions that actually led to this moment. But I digress. Every moment has been a dream for Pilot Pete and he admires that she challenges and pushes him. He finally spits out that he is in love with her and Hannah whips out the fantasy suite invitation in response. They decide to forego their individual rooms in order to stay in the local AirBnB windmill. 

We’ve been hearing about this windmill for WEEKS in the previews, so it’s no secret that Hannah bleeped in a windmill. Twice. With Pilot Pete. 

The next morning, Hannah is fresh-faced and they are recapping their amazing night. She describes Pete as Zeus and says she is Aphrodite. Pilot Pete feels so confident in what they have now after “they came together” and “bonded so much.” Somebody pass me the Zofran. 

Tyler’s date is next on the agenda and every woman in America started paying close attention. Relaxation is on the menu for the day and they stroll into a local spa for a couple’s massage. They strip down to swimsuits and Hannah shimmies out of her top once she’s facedown on the table. Tyler comments that he’s having a hard time relaxing when he wants to pounce on her table. 

Eventually, he takes over for Hannah’s massage therapist and climbs on top of her. The therapists make themselves scarce as the couple gets steamy on the massage table. Hannah has no doubt that their physical connection is strong, but she is concerned about how far that can take them in life. After dismounting Tyler and the table, she says “if Tyler is my forever then I have forever to be physical with him. I need to make sure he’s my forever.”

Despite this sentiment, she dons her shortest dress with a plunging neckline for dinner. She shares that she is looking to grow their emotional relationship, because she already knows she is physically captivated by Tyler. She explicitly tells him she doesn’t want to have sex in the fantasy suite because it’s not what their relationships needs, plus she already did it twice in a windmill and hasn’t recovered. Tyler agrees to respect her choice and assures Hannah that he just wants to spend more time with her even if they don’t get naked. 

They spend the night on a boat and sip coffee on the dock in the morning. Tyler said it was one of the best nights of his life, just hanging out and talking. Hannah emphasizes that Tyler was the most respectful man she’s ever been with -- EVER. She gets emotional as Tyler kisses her goodbye and walks away. 

Jed is third in Hannah’s line-up this week, and he’s still dealing with his anger at being in the bottom two with Luke during last week’s rose ceremony. He wants to focus his energy on Hannah, but this is something he plans to address. Hannah can see a life with Jed unfolding, but today and tonight going well would further solidify their union. The couple is crashing a family gathering in a local village and taking in the culture. They take shots of liquor and answer personal questions from strangers. A girl at the table asks Hannah, “how will you decide?” in reference to all of the men Hannah is dating. Hannah hems and haws while Jed stares at the table. Eventually, she mumbles something about wanting to be 1000% sure and Jed uncomfortably asks if Hannah will step aside to talk to him for a moment. 

Hannah takes a seat on Jed’s lap under an arbor. He tells her that he wants to see her with the best person she can be with and he doesn’t understand how she can consider someone like Luke. Hannah’s face hardens as she says she has a connection with Luke that she can’t describe, but she does think he is a good guy and that she sees sides of him that no one else does. Jed is upset as he doesn’t want to see Hannah with someone who could hurt her and Luke being here so close to the end is frightening. 

The conversation picks up again at dinner. Hannah gets where Jed is coming from, but wants to move past it as her decisions about Luke have no bearing on her feelings for Jed. She appreciates Jed’s honesty and understands his concerns come from a place of love. She asks, we’re good? 

Not quite. Jed says her choices do weigh on him. At the core, Jed is concerned that Hannah has a hard time letting go of things that aren’t good for her in her life. WHOA BABY -- talk about a truth bomb. Hannah is taken aback by Jed’s point and takes a large gulp of her wine before speaking. Jed continues that he’s “freaking sure about her” and that’s why he cares so much about this. He doesn’t want to see someone he loves get hurt by a psychopath like Luke. Ultimately, Hannah tells Jed that she needs him to let her figure it out and trust that the choices she is making are coming from her heart. 

OKAY HANNAH, but what if -- and I’m just spitballing here -- WHAT IF, your heart is being manipulated by a crazy narcissist?! 

Jed realizes he’s not going to change her mind tonight and they move on. Hannah appreciates that they had a tough conversation and worked through it as best they could and hands him the fantasy suite card. Jed is ready to get outta here and they leave for their room of romance. They get horizontal on the bed before Jed suggestively shuts the massive bedroom door. 

The sun rises over Greece as they snuggle in bed and reminisce on the best night ever -- fun, sweet, and...wild? Gag. Jed is more sure now than he’s ever been about her and loved having Hannah all to himself for the night. 

Last, and most certainly least, is Luke. He is pumped to spend the day with Hannah. She reveals they are going to Santorini for the day -- in a helicopter! Hannah says it’s hard to treat Luke like her other relationships because it’s so different. Red Flag. She feels Luke is at his best with her when no one else sees it. Red Flag. But Hannah love red because ROLL TIDE. 

Hannah and Luke exclaim over the views and dance to a street performer. They settle in for a liquid picnic of champagne and toast to Hannah finding fierce love and everything her heart has ever wanted. Luke sports a very distracting gash on his shin, more than likely stemming from a Crossfit workout he squeezed in during his hometown. 

For dinner, Hannah wears her sexiest animal print dress and red leather jacket. Luke comments on the “darling” dinner set up before sharing how honored he is that Hannah chose him for the Santorini day. He understands that marriage is a huge deal and that he doesn't take forever lightly. He references a conversation they had about being spiritual leaders in their respective households. He is looking forward to making history in his future family in having spirituality the way he wants it to be. Hannah’s face makes subtle changes throughout this speech, but it drops completely when Luke continues by stating that sex is an incredible and beautiful thing, only within the confines of marriage. He knows that Hannah isn’t a virgin and neither is Luke. However, Luke has abstained for 3-4 years so obviously his virginity has refreshed and he is saving what’s left of it for marriage. He is confident that they are on the same page when it comes to morality, but he wants to hear it from her mouth. 

Hannah is now staring stonily at Luke, but he can’t take a hint and goes on to say that he doesn’t believe that sex is something Hannah should be partaking in. If she were to tell him that she had sex with one or multiple of these guys, he’d 100% want to go home. 

Hannah is finally given a chance to speak. Sex is a very big deal for her and it’s not something she takes lightly. She does not agree with what Luke just said. He is not her husband and he does not have the right to judge her. Luke asks to cut her off and is told NO. Sex might be a sin, but so is pride and this is a pride thing in Hannah’s eyes. Luke starts to backtrack and throws out a crazy scenario -- let’s say Hannah did have sex with everyone here. He’d be willing to work through that sin with her, but he just wants to know what he’s dealing with here. 

I’m slack-jawed with my remote and Hannah is finally starting to hear Luke’s crazy come through. She is fuming, but Luke cuts her off again. He doesn’t want to be misunderstood or misconstrued again like he’s been all season. Hannah finally understands that this is what he says when a conversation isn’t going the way he planned. He can’t accept that he said something wrong -- she just must not have heard him right. 

Hannah has finally had enough. As Luke nobly states that he would understand “a slip up” in the fantasy suite, Hannah finds her voice. The things he is saying are not okay. At first their relationship gave her so much hope, but he has broken her heart through this and she’s broken her own heart for allowing it to continue for so long. Luke is holding people to a standard that he doesn’t even live by. He might not have sex, but he’s still an a**hole. He doesn’t own Hannah and he doesn’t get to decide what she can and can’t do. 

A thunderstorm begins to rage outside and it’s poetically perfect. Hannah references the story of the adulterous woman in the Bible and accuses Luke of holding his stone up at her instead of looking at his own flaws. She does not want him to be her husband. 

Luke is open-mouthed in astonishment and asks for a chance to speak. Hannah says no, I have the clarity I need, and stands to walk him out. He asks a second time to share a few words really quickly. Hannah denies his request and remains standing next to his chair, urging him “c’mon. It’s over.” Luke is still glued to his chair and I’m wondering if Harrison is going to get called in to drag this douche canoe to the waiting SUV. Luke says Hannah owes him a minute to share, but Hannah exclaims I don’t owe you anything. She has bent over backwards for this relationship and it’s time for Luke to get up and go. 

They walk to the waiting SUV, but Luke won’t get in. He turns to Hannah and says what they have is undeniable, he was just bringing up the worst-case scenario of fantasy suite week. Hannah is furious, but she knows what will make him get in the vehicle. She announces she had sex and Jesus still loves her. She takes it one step further and shouts that she bleeped in a windmill not once, but TWICE, so Luke probably wants to leave. 

She opens the door and ushers him inside because her husband would never say what Luke said to her. Luke asks to pray over Hannah before he leaves. She’s not having it. Luke hangs his head inside the SUV and Hannah flips off the taillights as it drives away. 

Hannah Brown answers to the Lord, not to a psychopath, and feels a weight lifted off her shoulders now that she’s figured out Luke for herself. Bachelor Nation collectively breathes a sigh of relief, as well. Nobody get too comfortable though -- previews show a certain manipulative narcissist making a last-ditch effort appearance at the next rose ceremony.