Bachelorette Beast Recap Finale Night 2: ALL CHILL IS LOST

We’ve been trapped on Alabama Hannah’s roller coaster of a season for weeks on end, but the denouement is in sight. Just a couple more stomach-dropping plunges and loops stand in the way of us and Bachelor in Paradise!

Dapper Chris Harrison welcomes his audience back to the studio. Despite working overtime this week, Harrison is impeccably dressed as usual. He wastes no time alluding to the lies, betrayal, and even a cringe worthy proposal we are about to view. 

Footage of Engagement Day in Greece graces the big-screens. Hannah lounges in bed with her coffee and her Bible. She has no doubt that both Jed and Tyler have seen the good and bad parts of her. She ponders her growth and the validation she no longer requires. She doesn’t need a man, but she wants one to experience all of life with. 

Hannah primps in the mirror and pretends to curl her own hair -- though we all know her styling team was waiting just outside the camera angle. Tyler gazes at the ocean and Jed journals song lyrics on his balcony. I internally plead that he won't bring his guitar to his proposal attempt.

Tyler meets Neil Lane first and picks out a ring that symbolizes Hannah’s strength through this journey. Jed selects a round sparkler, explaining that the oval shape reflects their ability to come back to the start again and again in their relationship. 

The men button their stylist-selected suits, one of which is probably worth more than Jed’s entire dog food jingle deal. Hannah carefully pins her earrings on and remains conflicted. She was hopeful to have clarity, but she is fearful of making the wrong decision. As the van departs for the proposal platform, Hannah shakes her head in the backseat and mutters, “I can’t do this.” She barks “stop the car, please” and tumbles into traffic. It’s unclear what the plan was for Hannah, but her spiky heels foiled any fence-jumping ambitions as she trips and lands firmly on her bedazzled behind. A producer sprints over to check on their lead and Hannah mournfully shows him her scraped elbow. After standing on the curb and doing some deep breathing exercises, our beast is back in action. 

The ABC intern has spent all night setting up this proposal platform in an arid Greek meadow, overlooking the ocean cliffs. It’s picture-perfect, but Hannah has one more heart to break before she can fully appreciate the hours of labor. Tyler steps out of the vehicle first and tells Chris Harrison how excited he is for the day. This love they have is forever and he gets cheesy and goofy when he talks about it. Harrison directs Tyler to the path and wishes him good luck. 

Tyler joyfully approaches Hannah, exclaiming over how absolutely gorgeous she looks. I cower behind splayed fingertips as Tyler begins his proposal speech. He tells Hannah that she’s captivated his soul from the moment they met and how she has pushed him to be the man he always wanted to be. He knew she was the one when they were dancing on their first date. He takes a breath to continue and Hannah interrupts. She feels so lucky to be loved by him and to have had his support and strength. She recognizes that he’s done everything she’s asked of him and more and that their life together would be amazing, but she loves someone else. Tyler blinks hard at her rejection, struggling to hold back his emotions. 

He admits this hurts, but he promises to remain Hannah’s biggest fan and will be rooting for her success with Jed. Hannah walks him out and hugs him at the waiting van. Tyler’s tears in the SUV break hearts across America -- it feels like a punch in the gut right now as he’s never felt this strongly for anyone. 

Back in LA, Harrison speaks for all of us when he comments that break up was difficult to watch and has devastated many of us who were rooting for Tyler. He promises Tyler will visit shortly to discuss how he feels now that some time has passed. 

The camera cuts to Greece. Hannah’s handlers have dried her tears, fixed her make-up, and she is back in position on the proposal platform. She’s been waiting her whole life for her happy ending and she’s decided to take a gamble on wannabe-musician, Jed. Collective groan. 

Jed exits his SUV, guitar in hand. Second and louder collective groan. He’s excited and scared and nervous. Probably because he has to figure out how to tell his girlfriend that he has a fiance and vice versa. He tells Hannah that he knows he loves her, but talking is hard for him so he’s going to sing. Also, he’s here to promote his music, remember? I tuned him out, but Hannah hangs on every note and offers up a couple of claps at the end. She didn’t write a song, but she would like to say some stuff. 

Neither of these yahoos are particularly articulate and it shows. 

Hannah has always prayed for her future husband since she was a little girl, wondering what their passions were and what they were doing.Little did she know he was spending hours crafting canine kibble ditties. She’s completely in love with Jed. Jed, likewise, has lived 25 whole years of his life without Hannah and doesn’t want to go another day without her being his. He bends a knee and asks her to marry him. She says yes and they are utterly googly-eyed and gross. For about 5 seconds. 

We all know what has transpired in the media over the last several weeks and so does Hannah. Chris Harrison promises that Jed will be onstage shortly to “face the music.” Harrison with the dad jokes! 

A video montage of post-proposal bliss ensues. They are beaming and kissing and Hannah is flashing her rock at the camera. Hannah coos that she is going to be Mrs. Wyatt and Jed’s face noticeably winces. They’ve had dance parties and played silly games, but it all came crashing down when People magazine broke the news about Jed’s ex. Hannah thought she was engaged to someone who is sweet, sincere, and honest. But she was mistaken. 

Jed told her the day after they got engaged that he was “hanging out” with a girl before he came on the show. He assured Hannah that he had broken it off with her. Hannah wasn’t thrilled to hear this, but she took him at his word. However, she’s read the People article, sees several holes in Jed’s story, and demands answers. This is not what she thought she said yes to that day in Greece. 

Sometime after their proposal, but before the live finale, a confrontation is filmed during what would have been a “happy couple” weekend. Upon first glance, it looks almost just like the retreat where Arie dumped Becca and then wouldn’t leave, but it’s not the same couch. We would all recognize it because we had to stare at POS Arie not move from it for 40 minutes. Hannah doesn't know how she feels about Jed at this point, but she has a lot of questions and needs to have this conversation. Enter f***boy who still can’t dress himself, stage right. 

He offers a timid “hi, i missed you,” which Hannah ignores. Zero words are said for what seems like hours. Finally, Hannah speaks. She doesn’t know where to start. Why did Jed wait all this time for her to find out? It’s been about 5 weeks since their engagement at this point. Instead of answering, Jed says there are two very different views of what actually happened with this girl so he’d like to start there.

To save us time and brain cells, I will sum up Jed’s side of the story: 

Jed was very single when he met Haley. He was 6 months younger than he is now (like soooo long ago) and was having fun. He didn’t think their relationship was exclusive and it was just “hanging out.” But also sleeping together. And meeting his family. And sometimes having dinner together. Oh, they also took two trips together. One to a cabin in Gatlinburg and the other to the Bahamas, a gift Haley gave him for his birthday. Jed steadfastly says there was not a label on their relationship, but he was drunk on the beach and told Haley he loved her. And then kept saying it. When he found out about the Bachelor, Haley was sad but excited for his opportunity for his music. In Jed’s mind, he was going on this show for music and not a dating thing. He thought the break up with Haley was “understood” when he landed in LA and started the show. 

Hannah isn’t impressed or sold on his half-truths. She accuses him of being selfish to this girl and to her. She also confronts him about a party at his house after CMA fest where several girls were in the pool with him and he didn’t bother to tell Hannah about his guests. Ultimately, Hannah doesn’t understand how Jed could ever have been ready to be engaged if he was telling another girl that he loved her the day he landed in LA for filming. Hannah finally understands why his family was so dang weird to her during hometowns and feels Jed used her and their relationship for his career. No wonder he came home from the show and told his friends “I won.” His word choice at the time bothered Hannah, but she overlooked it at the time. 

Jed doesn’t know how to fix this and literally asks Hannah for instructions. Where does she see him lacking? Hannah needs 100% honesty given and received. What was Jed thinking on night 1 when Hannah found out Scott had a girlfriend and sent him home immediately? Jed maintains that he wasn’t exclusive with Haley so it didn’t count. He was scared to tell Hannah the whole truth as they got closer because he didn’t want her to walk away from him. Hannah accuses him of being selfish; he knew she was struggling with her decision and deliberately withheld a huge part of his past that was actually current and is now in their future. 

She shared her whole self with Jed, but she didn’t get to see all of him. Her choices and decisions are all tainted by his choices. She removes her engagement ring and points to it -- this doesn’t mean the same thing anymore; she did not say yes to this. She sets the sparkler on the coffee table, to my immense relief and joy. 

Harrison invites us back to the live studio to set the rumors straight and find out where the relationship stands now. Hannah saunters to the stage in a red-hot dress and killer revenge bod. She’s doing okay, but she never could have anticipated this conversation with Chris going down this way. 

They recap her finding out about Jed’s lies and she comments how sad it is that she had to circle things in a People article and send them to her fiance. The past few weeks have been very difficult, but she’s gotten so much stronger through it. Hannah admits that she is not with Jed anymore. The engagement is over and they are not together. She feels that engagement day was taken away from her and she did not get what she signed up for in a life partner. She will not have a relationship that’s not built on truth and honesty. She and Jed broke up over the phone and she hasn’t seen him since the filmed confrontation, but she will now. 

Jed walks out to a smattering of applause. The estranged couple hugs briefly and Jed speaks first. He apologizes and says he’s had time to review his behavior and sees that he ruined what he and Hannah found here. He takes full ownership of the mistakes, but when he was told about the show he never could have fathomed that it would have actually led to love. 

Harrison asks why Jed didn’t come clean after the engagement, at the very least. Jed admits he was acting out of fear, rather than love and respect for Hannah. He somehow feels like he had closure on his end with this ex, although ghosting does not equal closure in anyone’s book as far as I know. Jed feels the same about Hannah now as he did when he got down on one knee. He is regretful and wishes he could change the past, but he can’t. 

Hannah is teary in her response to Jed. She appreciates the apology and knows this hasn’t been easy for Jed or his family. She knows the person she said yes to in Greece is in their and she hopes that he will learn and grow into the man he can be for whoever in his future. But it’s not going to be Hannah. It’s not her intent to punish Jed, but when her feelings for him dissipated when their trust was broken. She wants to be confident about her forever and confirms that the Jed chapter of her life (and ours!!) is over. 

Praise Be. 

Hannah Beast is proud of herself today. In the past, she would have forfeited her happiness and remained in a dishonest relationship. She wants a husband, but she doesn’t need one. 

On that note, it’s time to visit with Tyler. Hannah hides a grin as Harrison welcomes her scorned suitor to the stage. This was about the time that I started bouncing up and down on the couch so aggressively that my glasses flew off of my head. I found them just in time to see Tyler in 20/20 vision hug Hannah in greeting. Hannah has been grieving their relationship and her feelings just didn’t go away. This is the first time they’ve seen each other since their goodbye in Greece, but I have a sneaking suspicion that some DM sliding was definitely happening prior to this reunion. 

Tyler has loved watching Hannah and is so proud of her power and strength. He woke up in Greece on that last day ready to get down on one knee. He was so nervous that he was throwing up -- the romance is real. It was difficult to hear that it wasn’t him at the end, but he truly thought she’d be in good hands. 

Hannah says their relationship was real and special..and she still has feelings for Tyler. She’s confident in who she is and being on her own, but she knows what she wants in a next relationship. She wants somebody to be bold so she’s going to be bold. That being said, Hannah abruptly announces “you’re an incredible guy and I’m a single girl -- maybe we should go for a drink and just hang out.” 

Tyler smiles with his whole face as he tells her to name the time and place and he’s in. Meanwhile, I’m screaming and have lost all of my chill. Harrison speaks for Bachelor Nation as he exclaims, “We can ship this!” 

I have never been so happy to be so shook at the end of a Bachelor franchise season, you guys!!! I’m so sure that producers checked to make sure Tyler would say yes before allowing Hannah to ask him out LIVE onstage -- no way would they let her crash and burn right at the end -- but I’m still so dang satisfied with this ending to the reign of our Alabama Beast. Roll Tide!