Bachelorette Beast Recap Finale Night 1: Meet the Parents

Welcome to Part I of the two night finale Bachelorette event. Grab a bottle of wine (you’ll need the entire thing, promise!) and your nearest couch cushion for second hand embarrassment hiding purposes. 

Chris Harrison welcomes his live studio audience to LA and reminds us that three men have been waiting for a rose ceremony for three weeks. Now that Luke finally boarded his flight home, it’s safe to resume where we left off in Crete, Greece. 

Unfortunately for us, Jed is still wearing his excrement-colored suit and Hannah sports her 80s bun planted firmly on the top of her head with two chunks of hair hanging down by her highlighted cheeks. The dress isn’t doing anyone any favors either, even with Hannah’s rocking bod. Wardrobe concerns aside, let’s get down to business. 

Before she even picks up a bud, Hannah chokes up. She has three amazing men standing in front of her and she feels so lucky to be so loved by them all. This is a difficult decision for her, but one that must be made as polygamy is still illegal.

She calls Jed’s name first, likely to make up for him being grouped in the bottom two with a psychopath in the most recent rose ceremony. I know, it’s tough to remember as it was eons ago. 

With tears running down her face, Hannah asks Tyler to accept the final rose of the day. Sweet Pilot Pete stares at the ground. Through sobs, she asks to walk him out. They sit down on a bench and she assures him that he did nothing wrong, he’s just not hers. Peter doesn’t deny that this hurts, but she will always have a piece of his heart. They hug on the bench before she ushers him to the waiting limo, still sobbing. He kisses her on the forehead before climbing in and driving away. Hannah continues to boohoo on the sidewalk. Can an intern get a gal a box of Kleenex? 

Peter didn’t see this coming. Although “it hurts like a b***** right now,” he isn’t mad at Hannah. He fell in love with her and doesn’t regret any portion of this journey. 

The lights come up in the LA studio to showcase Peter sitting across from Chris Harrison. Our favorite pilot was dreading watching this breakup footage, but he has his game face on for his Bachelor audition. In an unusual twist, Peter’s family is in the audience tonight. His mom, Barbara, twists a soggy tissue in her lap and admits it’s been tough to watch her son go through this heartbreak. Peter confides in Harrison that he knew he was in love with Hannah when the fireworks were going off back in Latvia.

Harrison questions why it took Peter so long to reveal his feelings for Hannah if he felt them so early. Peter admits that he hesitated out of fear and knowing that she had so many guys still left. Clearly, his fears were not unfounded because look where we are. Harrison asks the million dollar question: does he still love Hannah? Pete diplomatically shares that he’s doing his best to move on and that time has helped and will continue to help him. He is trying to take the good things from that chapter into the future, but is ready to see Hannah to really close the chapter. Peter’s handler undoubtedly sends him a thumbs-up from the sidelines.

Peter’s wish is Harrison’s command as Hannah steps onstage in a royal blue one-shoulder dress and slicked back ponytail. She touches Peter’s knee in greeting. We yell from the couch for her to keep her hands to herself. He wants to know what the turning point was in her decision to send him home. Hannah doesn’t have a clear answer as she truly thought he would meet her family, but she needed to “follow her heart.” She twists the knife a little bit further, accusing Peter of keeping his feelings to himself for too long. Perhaps if he had verbalized his emotions sooner, things could have been different. I fumed from the sofa -- how dare she insinuate that Peter RIGHTLY protecting himself contributed to the demise of their relationship? *eyeroll*

Hannah says it really was the toughest goodbye because what she felt for him was real. She leans over and touches his knee again, and he covers her hand with his. It’s a very odd interaction to watch considering she dumped him several months ago. 

Harrison wraps up the segment on a lighter note: Bachelor Nation can never look at a windmill the same again due to this duo. Hannah confesses she has dishonest about something -- she said it was twice, but it was actually four rounds in the windmill. The audience claps vigorously, including Peter’s parents, as Hannah winks that Peter is definitely a great catch. Harrison comments that somewhere Luke’s head is exploding. 

Back in Greece, it’s time for Hannah’s final two to meet her family. Her mom (Susanne) and her dad (Robert) are here with her siblings (? these three were never introduced and remained mute throughout the episode so I’m batting blind here). Tyler is up first and she offers her fam some backstory, including his divorced parents, his ailing father, and her intense physical attraction to our chiseled hunk of Florida. 

Tyler appears with flowers, wine, and chit chat about dancing classes. He ended up taking several dance classes in college as a GPA boost and almost minored in it. Alabama Mama takes Tyler aside for further conversation. She sees that Hannah glows around Tyler, but wants to offer up a scenario. If Tyler did something in the future that he knows Hannah wouldn’t agree with, would he hide it from his fiancee? Tyler is adamant that he wants a relationship built on total honesty. As a child of divorce, he knows firsthand the pitfalls that lead to that separation. He desires to be Hannah’s best friend and biggest cheerleader. Alabama Mama is smitten. 

Alabama Papa takes his turn next. He appreciates that Tyler respected Hannah’s choice about focusing on their emotional connection in the fantasy suite. Tyler shares more about his father and the illness that gave Tyler perspective on what he wants out of his life. He wants Hannah to be the mother of his children and wants to give her space to be a strong female; there is no doubt in his mind about their future together. 

Alabama Papa tells his daughter that Tyler seems very honest and sincere. Alabama Mama likes many things about Tyler, can see him fitting in well with the Brown family, and feels really good about the day. The parental stamp of approval is sealed. 

Hannah snuggles on a bench with Tyler. She realizes she’s put a hold on her feelings for him because their physical attraction was so strong. She appreciates how open and vulnerable he has been with her and wants to meet him at that level. She verbalizes that she is falling in love with him. Tyler lights up at her words, kisses her, and urges her to go have fun with her family today. 

Jed is up next for the familial interview and Hannah is nervous because it’s getting close to game time. From the very beginning Jed has just seemed to fit well in her life and she’s looking forward to showing that to her buying committee. 

Jed is wearing denim on denim for this occasion and his requisite bouquet is not as impressive as Tyler’s was. Immediately, Alabama Papa wants to know what this aspiring muscian’s plan is for an income. Jed doesn’t mention the monthly checks from his parents, and instead brags about the dog food jingle deal he recently signed. We rewound this moment 3x to make sure we heard right. Yep, Jed plans to provide with royalty checks from Purina. Alabama Papa remains rightly unimpressed and it’s clear to Jed that his answer didn’t quite cut it. 

In reviewing the body language of Hannah’s final suitors, it’s clear that Jed has something to hide. He does not lean into Hannah’s family like Tyler does, nor is he as open in his conversation. As we all know, Jed does have something to hide -- a certain musician girlfriend back in Nashville that’s just waiting for him to come home. 

Jed’s discouraged after his conversation with Alabama Papa. He was hoping her parents would see how comfortable and natural he and Hannah are together, but instead they are concerned about their financial future. Don’t they know Jed is certain to get sponsored by Flat Tummy Tea and Hannah can rely on FabFitFun Instagram postings? 

Alabama Mama recaps with Hannah, southerly shading Jed with “he has...qualities.” She wants to know if her daughter has truly thought about this lifestyle -- Jed would be spending a lot of nights in bars right now, just trying to make it. Tyler, on the other hand, already has a business of his own and doesn’t need parental support to buy groceries. Hannah pouts “I knew this was going to happen.” Alabama Mama counters that she’s just telling Hannah what she sees as a mother because Hannah is the most important thing in her life. 

Alabama Papa admits to Hannah that Jed over-explained things and didn’t give direct answers in the way that Tyler did. He comments that Jed is very proud of his dog food jingle. Hannah sighs heavily and Robert says he is just repeating their conversation. Hannah says she doesn’t need someone else to provide for her; she will be successful herself and do that for them. Alabama Papa counters “as the man of my house, I need to know what the man of your house is going to do.” He doesn’t want his daughter to settle for anything just because she has a bucket list item to live in Nashville.

Hannah isn’t satisfied with her parents’ report card of Jed and takes her wineglass to the edge of a cliff to mope. Jed finds her and urges her to “talk to me, baby.” She confesses that yesterday went really well with Tyler and her family so now she is really confused, exclaiming “f*** me, this is why you don’t date two people at the same time!” Jed has no comment, since he’s technically doing the same thing. He whispers that he believes in what they have as a couple and they can make it through anything. 

Hannah has one more date each with Tyler and Jed and she’s battling doubt and nerves in each relationship, fearing she’ll make the wrong decision. 

Tyler has the first final date and Hannah has selected horseback riding, which isn’t intimate in the slightest. Tyler is less than stoked as this didn’t go so well in Amsterdam the first time around. Both of them are wearing their tightest jeans for the occasion and slowly trot to a picnic location. Tyler appreciates that Hannah has challenged and pushed him throughout their time together and wants to start all of his days with her. They sip wine and make out while the horses stare. 

The evening consists of a cuddle-fest at Tyler’s suite. Tyler is convinced they can overcome anything together -- even his fear of horses. It’s starting to hit Hannah that this final week is nearly over. She’s glad they are here, but is looking forward to life after this. Tyler is ready for wherever life would take them, he is confident they will have a “kick-ass marriage.” Hannah impishly invites him to go upstairs where she pounces on him on the bed before he flips her under him in a clearly well-practiced maneuver. I’m convinced windmill things happened that night. I wasn’t even there, but I’m certain it was amazing. 

Moodkiller Jed rolls up the next day in the outfit from the bottom of his carry-on. Loafers, bland khaki shorts, and a $5 Walmart t-shirt. Hannah is rocking a bikini top and shorts and I’m just confused as to why no one told Jed to pack a swimsuit. They board a yacht to spend the day on the rocky Mediterranean sea. Hannah gets a touch of seasickness and/or nerves and hangs her head over the side of the vessel in her attempt to keep her breakfast down. 

She sits with Jed and says part of her illness is due to the uncertainty of everything, especially since tomorrow is E-day and she’s anxious that she could be engaged tomorrow. Jed defensively states that her dad doesn’t understand what all he does to support himself because Jed didn’t go into vast detail. Ok, but why didn’t you, Jed? This was his only shot to make a first impression and he decided to half-ass it? 

The evening begins on a positive note, simply because they aren’t on a violently rocking boat. Jed can’t picture his life without Hannah, likely because all of his bills are fixing to go to collections without her ABC Bachelorette checks. Hannah does feel very loved by Jed, but her dad’s skepticism of Jed’s unstable career choice is in the back of her mind. Jed assures her they would make it through anything life throws at them and that he’s never had something like this work with anyone else. 

Hannah finally says goodbye and walks back to her own suite. She doesn't know if she has the clarity she needs for a proposal and is dreading breaking someone’s heart tomorrow. 

Harrison brings the cameras and our attention back to the studio. Hannah wants to say one more thing before the second part of the finale. The past few months have been tough and emotional. She is unsure of what exactly will happen tomorrow night, but hopes to get the answers she needs. This cryptic message leads me to believe she’s practically spoiling her own show… but I’ll save my speculation for tomorrow’s recap. 

One thing I do want to note: neither Tyler nor Jed asked Alabama Papa for Hannah’s hand in marriage. It’s hard to believe such a query would be edited out of the final product, but perhaps they both make an international phone call tomorrow. Time will tell -- catch y’all here tomorrow to digest part II!