Thursday, July 28, 2016

Battle of Former Athletes: Bachelorette Recaps 7-9

Recap Episode 7:
If you remember, in episode 6, JoJo was allowed an extra rose to save her from deliberation between James T and Alex. In episode 7, James T and Alex go home. JoJo could have saved us all two hours of our life if she had made that decision in episode 6. All of America saw it coming: recap complete. 

Recap Episode 8: Hometowns!
Chase is up first. They sit on a mountain in Colorado and discuss his broken and imperfect family. He is a child of divorce, and thus it is difficult for him to throw the L word around like some former athletes on this show. He takes her to his cute little home and ding dong Dad arrives. Dad is adorable and tries to explain Chase's walls to JoJo. Chase tells Dad that he is ready to put his heart on the line. Next on the agenda-dinner at Mom's. Mom takes some time with JoJo to discuss how Chase is crazy about her and how it is far easier for him to express his love through actions rather than words. JoJo is still dying to hear the L bomb. They make out at the car before JoJo leaves and Chase says "I'mfallinginlovewithyouJoJo." Literally all one word. 

Next stop, California, home of the skinny jeans and Jordan's family. Jordan actually lives in Nashville, but his family is in Chico. Since Jordan peaked in high school, he takes her to his high school alma mater where they spend the day looking at yearbook photos on the wall. Jordan discusses how Aaron Rodgers has not been in touch with his family for the last year or two. I can't imagine this show is helping to mend that relationship, but that's just my two cents. Darla (Jordan's mom) thinks JoJo could be his destiny, but JoJo expresses her fear that Jordan won't love her forever. He adamantly tells her that he is ready to be engaged and to marry her. 

JoJo arrives in St. Augustine, Florida to be whisked away on a carriage ride with Robbie. They discuss his very recent relationship. Robbie desperately wants JoJo to tell him she loves him. So much so that he puts the word love in nearly every sentence. "Ever since I told you I loved you in Uruguay..." "My family is going to love you" "I just love you." Translation: love me back! As they head to his family's home, Robbie doesn't see how anything can possibly go wrong which means that something is about to go wrong. Robbie's family breaks out the multi-colored plastic wine glasses in honor of JoJo's arrival. Holly, Robbie's mom, talks with JoJo and JoJo confesses, "I haven't told anyone this yet, but I'm falling in love with him." Shhh, America will totally keep your secret. 
Holly reveals to Robbie that his ex's roommate has been spreading rumors that he applied to be on the show while he was still dating Hope (his ex) and that he broke up with said ex to be on said show. Let's chat Bach casting for a hot second. I'm not an expert so if someone has more info please enlighten me, but I'm 99% sure that you have to apply pretty early on in order to be considered for the show. Like months in advance. So I have a hunch that his ex's roommate is spreading truths. And if he was applying to be on the Bachelorette when he was dating Hope then he had no business to be dating Hope at the time. 
Either way, this rumor is something Robbie is determined to address with JoJo in order to nip it in the "butt." I swear he said butt and not bud. JoJo does not enjoy this conversation and pointly asks, "did you break up with Hope to come on the show?" Robbie counters that the relationship was over 9 months before it ended. That wasn't the question. JoJo drinks. Robbie says that they ended everything at the end of December after when they had a blow up fight and she slapped him. 
*****RED FLAG****** Why did she slap Robbie? Did she find his bachelorette application? 

Hometowns end in Burnet, Texas where Luke introduces JoJo to 50 of his closest friends and family. They cookout and play corn hole in the backyard. After mingling during the afternoon, Luke takes JoJo on a horseback ride to a cozy little hay bale set up that you know the ABC intern spent all day creating. Luke tells JoJo that his heart is hers, his heart is there, his heart is involved. But Luke does not say I love you. 

The rose ceremony takes place in an airport hangar which is very convenient for whichever gentleman leaves. If I am JoJo, the choice for fantasy suites is pretty easy. Chase because #teamchase, Luke because he's not a douche, and then she just needs to flip a coin on whether she's going to sleep with a former swimmer or a former NFL football player. 
JoJo, being JoJo, thinks she needs to say goodbye to Luke. At this point, I can't even. I am yelling at the TV. As she picks up a rose, Luke decides to call a huddle. Jordan is mad because that's his thing. Luke shares that he is in love with her. JoJo says, that's what I wanted to hear from you, and then proceeds to have a meltdown on the runway in a blue dress. 

Recap Episode 9: It's all Downhill from here
Despite JoJo telling Luke that he said what she needed to hear, she still sends him home. He is stunned. During the fantasy suite episode, she sends Chase home and now she must decide between a former swimmer and a former football player in the final episode. I can only hope that they both have present employment. 

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