Monday, July 4, 2016

Emergency Roses: Bachelorette Recap Episode Six

The group heads to Buenos Aires, Argentina and check into their respective hotels. JoJo sits on a park bench with Chris Harrison to discuss life, love, and other mysteries. "What if I fall in love with two people just like Ben?!" JoJo muses. Then all of America will hate you too. They talk about how this will be a turning point week. 
Chris lines out the week to the group of dudes. There will be three dates: group date, one on one date, and ANOTHER two on one date. JoJo is clearly determined to make Bachelorette history. 
Ding dong date card: Wells, besame besame muchacho. (for everyone else who took french in high school, besame means "kiss me" in spanish). JoJo is tired of waiting. 
Wells reveals to the guys that he is fairly sure he is the only guy who hasn't kissed her yet. Everyone looks around in dismay. 
JoJo walks in to take him on their date and chats with the group for a bit. Luke blurts out, "are you guys gonna kiss today?" The awkwardness in the room rises about 10 octaves. 
Wells and JoJo start their date a local market where there is no kissing, but he does buy her a bracelet.  They head to a local show, Fuerza Bruta. Wells continues to monologue about how he is looking for the right moment to kiss her. At this point, he is over thinking it and just needs to land one on the lips and move on. 
FINALLY, finally, as they swim in a suspended pool JoJo closes the gap between their faces and then celebrates the milestone. "WELLS WE DID IT!" That's a friend zone if I ever saw one. 
During their dinner date Wells shares about his past relationship. It was a long one, 4 years altogether, and it ended because they seemed only like best friends. There was no romance. You can see on JoJo's face that she isn't surprised to hear this. She picks up the rose, false hope swells for Wells, but ultimately JoJo has determined they have only built a friendship. He is an incredible human, but he is not her human. He can't have this rose, but he can have a flight back home on ABC's tab. 

Ding Dong date card: Luke, Robbie, Jordan, James, Alex: living la vida boca. 
The gang heads to the la boca district where it is clear that ABC is on a tight budget this season. In fact, I don't think I've seen a single helicopter yet. Here, the group organizes a game of soccer with the local neighborhood team. The guys have a penalty kick contest to kiss JoJo. James gets the goal and a small peck. 
The evening portion arrives and JoJo makes her rounds. She and Luke cuddle on a bench with CAR-AZY passion. Her words, not mine. Everything about you makes me want more of you-Luke. I love seeing you-JoJo. Gag-me. 
James uses his team with JoJo to discuss a side of Jordan that he feels she doesn't see. It apparently arose during a game of poker and Jordan appeared to act entitled. Now, I love James. But from years of watching this show I've learned it's best to mind your business and let the bad guy fall on his own face instead of tripping him. The tripper always ends up just as bad as the trippee, if not worse. 
In this case, JoJo thanks him for his honesty and then confronts Jordan about the altercation. Jordan says he doesn't know what entitled means. 
After their conversation, Jordan returns to the couch next to James. There is much swishing of beverages and tapping of toes. Tensions rise. 
JoJo offers the date rose to Luke, who accepts with grace. 

Ding dong date card: Derek and Chase, it takes two. 
On the way to their date, Derek is cocky, fully expecting to receive the date rose and turn this outing into a one on one. Again, being a veteran viewer, I have learned that typically the person who talks the most about getting the rose is the person who doesn't get it. I'm onto your editing techniques, ABC. #teamchase
They tango as a threesome and then head to an intimate dinner for three. Derek and JoJo takes some time together and Derek says he is absolutely falling for her. Chase and JoJo sit down together as well. he is scared. JoJo doesn't feel like Chase is reciprocating her strong feelings and reminds him she needs words of affirmation. He reminds her that she has 5 other boyfriends. Chase ends the conversation by stating he came here for her and he intends to leave with her. 
Back at the dinner table, JoJo makes a rose reach. Chase is the recipient. Derek watches the exchange before JoJo walks him down to the SUV of sorrow. There are tears. 
Afterward, JoJo and Chase sway to an Argentinian opera singer. 

The cocktail party is fairly uneventful, although each guy spends an inordinate amount of time talking about how important this week is. James and Alex are both feeling pretty nervous. 
Rose Ceremony: 
Luke and Chase already have roses. 
Robbie. 
Jordan. 
Looooooong pause. 
JoJo walks out. James and Alex exchange terrified looks, while JoJo seeks out Harrison to have a powwow. She can't hand out this final rose. 
She walks back into the ceremony and the ABC intern replaces the one rose with two. JoJo is now the Oprah of roses-everybody gets a rose!
Essentially, JoJo just procrastinated the tough decisions that she will have to make next week.  

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