Thursday, December 27, 2012

Bachelorette Wedding: Special Recap

JP Rosenbaum and Ashley Hebert publicly married on December 1st in California, but shared their story with the rest of the world on ABC on December 16th. I was unfortunately (fortunately?) occupied with an incredible Christmas party involving all of my coworkers at Fuzzy's so I relied on TiVo to capture the moment. It captured most of the moment--right up until "coming up, the couple exchanges their emotional vows" thanks to a Wipeout episode that exceeded its alloted time. 

Chris Harrison presided over the ceremony and the broadcast, highlighting the astonishing fact that this is the THIRD bachelor franchise wedding. Out of at least 20 seasons, I think...The odds are never in their favor. The camera cuts to "the life that JP and Ashley have already started building together" (aka: national television speak for living in sin) and flashbacks to their journey on Ashley's season of the bachelorette. Their first kiss appeared to be entirely left up to chance ("Heads I kiss you, tails I don't"), but letsbehonest, how many times did they do that take? "Crap, tails again. CUT." They frolic on the beach in Fiji and JP pops the questions that Ashley answers with a joyful "yaaas!" (She did. She put an A in there).

ABC showcases wedding planner Mindy Weiss. I don't think 80s ombre hair is her forte. She asks general wedding questions of the unprepared couple:

  • "So what are your colors?" Blush and bashful. Oh sorry, not Steel Magnolias. Ashley chooses champagne and dusty rose. So in street speak that's off white and pink. 
  • "How many in the wedding party?" Her entire high school graduating class. Or 9. 
  • "What song do you want to dance to?" Blank stares.
Ashley and JP express their panic about how working with a wedding planner is just not as easy as they anticipated! Megan scoffs, "I wish I had a wedding planner-oh wait, I wish I had a wedding..."
The fairytale couple kick back with a champagne picnic in the park to destress after their nightmare of a meeting discussing their dream wedding. Reminiscing about their relationship, JP asks, "Do you remember what we did in Taiwan? A little bit of fore (please don't say play please don't say play) shadowing? (THANK GOD)", referencing their pretend marriage date during the show.

They later reunite with Mindy and sing her praises, "there was something so surreal about standing there with Mindy to my left and JP to my right" ("Mindy, will you marry us?"-Megan) while inspecting the flowers. Ashley comments that the place settings are beautiful, but "every girl wants to see the flowers!" Really?? I mean, has she BEEN on Pinterest? THERE'S AN ENTIRE WEDDING WORLD OUT THERE. 

The big day finally arrives and their ceremony is studded with stars such as Mason and Jolly Mesnick, Ali Fedotowsky (with Roberto!), Emily Maynard, and Sean Lowe, who was looking much more like a rejected Backstreet Boy and much less like the man I remembered him to be. Chris Harrison sits down with JP and Ashley before the wedding to counsel them like a good, divorced, officiant should. Ashley sips mimosas with her wedding party at a bridal brunch. That's all I want when I get married in like 80 years, my best friends encouraging and affirming me and my choice in a future husband. And mimosas. 

Like I said, I didn't get to catch much of the actual wedding ceremony. But I did catch JP's confidant, "Ashley and I will be together forever." No hesitation. Definitive. A Very Lucky Girl wishes them the best. 

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