The Beccachelorette Week Seven: That Date Card Brought Me Back to Life

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We are in the Bahamas! The land of blue water, brightly painted houses, and..purple kitten heels? Becca reclines on a speedboat and is ready to call the Bahamas home for forever. She sits down with a Chris Harrison that is honestly looking worse for the wear. I noticed more wrinkles than I ever have and was truly disappointed. May his collar was unbuttoned one more button than usual? Becca truly feels like this is working. 

Wills' leopard on leopard ensemble is NOT working. The gentlemen recline on the couch in their suite and await the first date card. Instead, Becca sneaks in the door and greets them in a purple cover up. She explains that she's out on rose ceremonies this week and will instead be doing 3 one on ones and a group date. Whoever doesn't get roses on these dates will be going home without the promise of a hometown. 

Her first date starts right now and she grabs Colton's hand to drag him to a yacht. She compares Colton to a god that's built of muscle and tan skin. She'd let him do whatever he wants to do. Little does she know, Colton is biding his time on when to drop his Vcard bombshell and really doesn't know how to do much. 

On whether I believe Colton's Vcard confession? All I can say is that didn't look like a virgin hand on Becca's ass on the yacht. 

A sailor paid off in American dollars hops aboard their yacht and introduces himself as Aktion, as in "Colton needs to get some." Aktion invites them to dive for conch, only he doesn't enunciate the "n." He goes on to say that conch is an aphrodisiac and invites them to chow down. 

After several minutes of nauseating conversation at dinner in relation to the conch expedition, including a reference to deeper, heavier, and pulling out, Colton is ready to reveal his truth. He reminds Becca that he has put his professional life ahead of his personal life in the past. Because of this, he's still a virgin. She's baffled, like the rest of us, but then decides she needs 20+ minutes to ponder this revelation. 

After a sweet eternity, Becca reclaims her seat at the table and questions why Colton didn't sleep with his last serious girlfriend (AKA the Olympic gymnast, not sure why no one is naming her!!!). Colton said he isn't waiting for marriage, just for the right person. Ultimately, Becca appreciates Colton's honesty and wants to meet the people who gave this bronzed god life. Colton accepts the rose and a make out sesh by a fountain. 

Ding Dong Date Card: Garrett, (I don't know what this date card said, Roiya was too excited for him and I missed the pun!). 

This is their second one on one and Becca is just as excited as Roiya, thankfully. They are taking a seaplane called "TIA" (which is why Colton didn't get this date) to a private island. They swing on a rope swing, write notes in the sand, and snuggle in the surf. Becca admires Garrett's ability to always be positive. Garrett says he just feels good around her and thinks that they can be perfect together even though life isn't perfect. 

Becca changes up her evening look with a slicked back high ponytail and a diamond choker. It's the perfect look to rehash Garrett's previous marriage. She is concerned that he will ignore his red flags with her as well. Garret assures her that's not the case and that he grew from that experience. Their shared experiences with failed engagements rewards Garrett with the rose and a post-dinner romp in the ocean. 

Ding Dong date card: Blake, you make my heart skip a beat...

Blake is climbing to the top of the roller coaster that this week has put him on. As he's seen Garrett and Colton go on dates, he has begun to crack. His first one on one was so early in the season that he's struggled to see everyone else get so much time with her since. I don't know that this particular date was worth his wait. They walk down the beach and dance to the Baha men singing Bumpa before finding a hot patch of sand to sit and kiss. Becca loves this moment, Blake's forehead sweat and all. 

Instead of reassuring Blake of her feelings, Becca chooses this moment to share that sympathizes with Arie because he obviously cared for more than one woman at the end. She recognizes that it's not easy and sees herself in a similar situation. Blake's face falls. 

At dinner Becca asks about his family. Blake's parents divorced when he was in high school after his mom fell in love with Blake's basketball coach/English teacher. His family brushed a lot under the rug and he is determined that his future family will be open and honest. Becca appreciates his vulnerability and agrees with him. Blake says that he is in love with her. Becca still has salt water in her ears from conch diving and asks him to say it again. Even so, Blake gets a rose. 

Ding Dong Date Card: Wills, Jason, Leo, these days are never easy...

After lining up their suitcases, the guys board a boat to take them to their private hell island. Becca is sporting a ponytail and shorts and ready to play beach volleyball. It's Becca and Jason versus Wills and Leo and neither team appeared all that fantastic. 

Becca takes a walk with Wills and compares their similar family foundations. She sits down with Jason and hears about his focus on her and that he recognizes that this process isn't supposed to be easy. Finally, she walks down to the beach with Leo to a spot where we can barely hear their conversation over the crashing of the waves. Leo admits he hasn't brought anyone home to his family in 4 years. He also confesses that he isn't currently in a place where he could propose to her today. Becca's biological clock is ticking and she's not here for ringless proposals. Leo gets the boot first. 

The dinner date is now a two on one. Becca is certain that she feels it more with Jason than with Wills, but sits down with them both before taking Jason aside. Without using the exact words, Becca warns Jason that other people are more vocal than him in their feelings for her. Jason assures her that he will be vulnerable and put his heart on the line for her. 

She pulls Wills to the side next. He greets her with a kiss and a "hello" with his tongue half out of his mouth. Wills wants Becca to know that he is falling more in more in love with her. Unfortunately, his declaration isn't enough for Becca to move past his lizard hello and she offers the date rose to Jason. 

Wills is broken and wrecked. Becca assures him that he'll find his person before sending him home in the SUV of sorrow. He can't contain his sobs to the vehicle and turns away from the camera to bawl into the bark of a palm tree. Lucky for Wills, he gets another round at surf, sand, and sucking face in Bachelor in Paradise!