A Very Lucky Girl

We’ve been trapped on Alabama Hannah’s roller coaster of a season for weeks on end, but the denouement is in sight. Just a couple more stomach-dropping plunges and loops stand in the way of us and Bachelor in Paradise! Dapper Chris Harrison welcomes his audience back to the studio. Despite working overtime this week, Harrison is impeccably dressed as usual. He wastes no time alluding to the lies, betrayal, and even a cringe worthy proposal we are about to view.  Footage of Engagement Day in Greece graces the big-screens. Hannah lounges in bed with her coffee and her Bible. She has no doubt that both Jed and Tyler have seen the good and bad parts of her. She ponders her growth and the validation she no longer requires. She doesn’t need a man, but she wants one to experience all of life with.  Hannah primps in the mirror and pretends to curl her own hair -- though we all know her styling team was waiting just outside the camera angle. Tyler gazes at the ocean and...

Welcome to Part I of the two night finale Bachelorette event. Grab a bottle of wine (you’ll need the entire thing, promise!) and your nearest couch cushion for second hand embarrassment hiding purposes.  Chris Harrison welcomes his live studio audience to LA and reminds us that three men have been waiting for a rose ceremony for three weeks. Now that Luke finally boarded his flight home, it’s safe to resume where we left off in Crete, Greece.  Unfortunately for us, Jed is still wearing his excrement-colored suit and Hannah sports her 80s bun planted firmly on the top of her head with two chunks of hair hanging down by her highlighted cheeks. The dress isn’t doing anyone any favors either, even with Hannah’s rocking bod. Wardrobe concerns aside, let’s get down to business.  Before she even picks up a bud, Hannah chokes up. She has three amazing men standing in front of her and she feels so lucky to be so loved by them all. This is a difficult decision for ...

How suite it is that we’ve made it this far, team. To borrow an overused term from ABC, it’s truly been a journey. Hannah and her four boyfriends arrive in Crete, Greece. They’ve had their STD tests, refreshed Hannah’s birth control supply, and packed their Trojans. It’s time to take these relationships to the next level.  Pilot Pete is lucky number 1. Before we dive into his date, let’s discuss the bomb that Enews dropped on us yesterday. Precious and innocent Pete had a girlfriend until he dumped her to go on the Bachelorette. In his (slight) defense, Pete dumped her without an explanation once he found out he was cast, however they continued to keep in touch until he left for filming. He also neglected to share why he was breaking up with her, so this poor gal found out about his role on the show with the rest of the nation. Our golden boy’s reputation is tarnished today, but let’s travel back to simpler times in Greece before we knew this terrible truth.  Hann...

I missed blogging last week due to vacation, but I caught up on week eight's episode before Hannah hit hometowns!  This week kicks off in Westlake Village, California -- the home of Pilot Peter. Coincidentally, he lives just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Bachelor Mansion. Hannah runs and jumps into his arms before he introduces her to his fancy car, which he affectionately refers to as “baby.” Hannah wastes no time in digging around his center console, where she finds a tin of Altoids and a condom. Peter is visibly embarrassed, but tries to save face by announcing he is safe in everything he does. They arrive at an airport and board a tiny plane because Peter is looking for a copilot for life.  He flies them over Bachelor mansion, where they first met. And where she met all 29 of her other recent boyfriends. The couple snuggles in the cockpit as Peter flies over his family’s home and then safely grounds the aircraft in time to kick back and talk about their pote...