A Very Lucky Girl

The Bachelor continues their national tour to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Arie drives a sporty car along the beach with his douchey tattoo peeking out from under his sleeve. The 12 girls bike along the shore and are like so excited to see their relationships continue to form with Arie. The women pile into their penthouse suite at the W and two girls are so pumped about the bathtub that they plant themselves in it instantly--sans water.  Chris Harrison must have taken a personal day, because Arie pops into the penthouse without preamble and without Chris announcing how many dates or what kind of dates they will be. How will the women stay organized?! It could be anarchy--which is why I blame Chris for the how the rest of the week went down.  Maquel is back on board, which makes 13 women. The women fill her in on the bullet she dodged last week by missing the group wilderness date.  Arie personally asks Chelsea on the first one on one of the week. She can't wait to show ...

Lackluster Arie is back with 15 girlfriends. Bekah kicks off her morning with a swim in the Bachelor Mansion pool that contains an abundance of chlorine to combat the various strains of herpes floating around from seasons past. The other women chat indoors about Bekah's notorious age, which is a not so subtle hint that Arie will learn her mysterious age this episode.  Chris Harrison pops in, decked out in his travel button down to reveal that there will not be a date in LA today. Instead, they are leaving the mansion and heading to Tahoe!  Arie arrives ahead of the gang and checks into the 5-star, luxurious...Hard Rock Hotel and Casino? I guess we know who sponsored this episode. Arie muses that traveling and experiencing new things helps to create a bond. I tend to agree, except generally it helps when ABC isn't footing the bill for all of the adventures.  The girls check into an AirBnB in the woods and Kendall enters nirvana as she exclaims over all of the stuffed...

Confession: I'm feeling truly let down by Arie and ABC this Bachelor season. Arie has zero swag, often has self-tanner smeared on the sides of his face, and I'm not particularly attracted to him. But the recaps must go on and the good news for Arie is that Krystal and her baby voice are all about him.  If you remember, we left off last rose ceremony with everyone hating Krystal, Bibiana most of all. The morning after, the ladies are physically and emotionally drained and 60% of the group are rocking prescription eye wear.  Chris Harrison strolls in, does some quick addition, and announces there are 18 ladies remaining. Time is precious, take advantage of it. Krystal nods sagely. This week there will be 2 group dates and 1 one on one date.  Group Date Card: Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B, Tia, Marikh, Bekah, Bibiana, Krystal--it's all about the ring.  The women quickly come to the conclusion it must be in reference to boxing or wresting. Jacqueline cowers in fea...

The race for Arie's heart continues as Arie speeds along a California highway on his motorcycle, reflecting on the women that await him at the mansion. Said women toast to falling in love with mid-morning mimosas and wait for further instructions from Rose Master Chris Harrison. Our fearless leader swoops in with the first date card, to squeals of fear and delight. Chris reminds the ladies that "the hope is that just one of you will be Arie's wife," otherwise they'd have to move this whole show to Utah and track down One F Jef. The inaugural date card reads, "Becca K, hold on tight." All together now...who IS she?!?! Arie arrives just in time to swing Becca onto the back of his bike and off they go! They ride up to an AirBnB that ABC rented for the runway show that is about to ensue. Arie introduces Becca to his new BFF Rachel Zoe, the designer. I'm so fashion illiterate that if I was on this date I would have needed some cue cards to inform me w...

Hello blogger, my old friend. If Arie can return to ABC after 5 years in Bachelor retirement then I decided I could return to the recap world after a year hiatus. Turns out you can teach old dogs the same tricks!  For those of you that don't know Arie from Emily Maynard's season...you can catch up on my Bachelorette recaps from 2012 when I first started recapping. On the right side of my profile select the 2012 drop down and the month of May. The season continued throughout the summer of 2012 and ultimately Arie lost to one f Jef. Which also didn't work out for Ms. Maynard but that's another story. According to Instagram she is now happily married with 87 kids and probably another one on the way.  ABC thoughtfully gives us a CliffsNotes version of Arie and Emily's romance which consists almost entirely of lip locks in European allies and a close up of Arie getting into the SUV of sorrow at the end.  In the 5 years since his season aired, Arie continues to be a ...