I met you. I remember standing in a circle, memorizing names. Then came a party that evening. You stood out to me a bit. Maybe I think that now, looking back on what transpired later, but I do think I noticed you immediately. Weeks went by.
We would pass each other, chat, and see each other at parties. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I remember walking home in the pouring rain. I met you in the elevator on your way down. I looked like a drowned rat. You took one look and laughed your infectious laugh.
I remember the pink shirt you wore at a party. We leaned against the open window and you tried my girly drink, while lamenting my lack of Beatles music knowledge. I started crushing on your piercing blue eyes.
I specifically remember the night I knew I was in trouble when it came to you.
I went to a movie night. I ended up sitting next to you. Not too close. But close enough.
Close enough that every time we touched on accident I caught my breath and had to remind myself to calm down.
I remember messaging later. It was the beginning of something. I just didn't know the ending yet.
I remember talking about party costume ideas. You wanted to be a teenage mutant ninja turtle. You wanted me to be the weird rat sensei, tempting me by saying I would get to order you around. I wondered if you would kiss me if I told you to. I wondered if you would kiss me if I told you not to.
We danced that night. I didn't want to stop.
I knew I was playing with fire, that I might get burned, but I couldn't resist you. It wasn't just physical, although that was a significant part of it.
I was attracted to your humor, your athleticism, your confidence, and your total persona.
You nearly had me before you left for a while. I remember hugging you tightly to make up for the fact that I wasn't going to kiss you.
You tried to convince me otherwise, telling me it's what we wanted and that time away wouldn't change it.
You were right.
We talked almost daily while we were away.
We both drunkenly and soberly acknowledged the tension in our relationship.
I told you things I don't tell many people.
We returned and I continued to reject your physical advances.
I didn't want regrets. Especially about someone who had become so special to me.
But you mentioned I might regret pushing away this experience.
And once again, you were right.
I don't remember the exact date, but, eventually, one late night, near four in the morning, we kissed in the stairwell.
And maybe it's the way you speak or maybe its the way I had thought about it for so long or maybe its because it was just you, but no matter what it was, I deem it one of the best kisses of my life.
All of the rest after with you were just as good.
I was blissfully happy.
I will always think of our last week together fondly.
That's what made it so hard. Because there was a last week, but there wasn't any closure. We didn't break up, because there wasn't anything to officially break, nor were there any fights.
We were separated. Life goes on.
I remember our beginning and I hope we haven't hit our ending yet. I know I will see you again someday. And when someday comes maybe we'll kiss, maybe we won't, but I will always treasure our days together.
You tell me things I definitely don't want to hear, but that I need to hear. The mark of a true friend. You've seen me cry at 3 AM. I hope I have helped you as much as you have helped me.
You are a one of a kind man. Strikingly sensitive, your depth might surprise people. Fun-loving and fatally attractive, you have brought so much light to my life. I'm so glad you were born. And I'm A Very Lucky Girl to have met you.